Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 16, 2008, at 22:41:01
Is that I grew up in the shadow of a megalomaniac bipolar brother only 1 year ahead of me in school. Fancying himself the ruler of the world, or at least at highschool and the home environments he took special pains to compare himself to me at every opportunity. Look at pathetic little llurpsie with her loserly friends. Look at ME with my awesome popular friends. Look at pathetic llurpsie who plays the loser violin. Look at ME the awesome who is class president, president of the student body. Look at little pathetic llurpsie who has to study. I am gifted with genius IQ and took calculus in 7th grade. Look at ugly-duckly llurpsie, and ME with my charm and winning appearance being crowned homecoming king. Look at llurpsie with her dumpling physique and compare to me, a state-ranked tennis player. Look at dumb llurpsie and compare to ME with my 1600 SAT score.
Living well is the best revenge though. I ended up with lower SAT scores, but somehow managed to get a PhD. hmmm. And I am able to recognize my own limitations rather than expect the world to adapt to my skewed view of myself as the crowning glory of all humanity.
It sure is easy to slip back into that place where I had to be wily and secretive to hide all my happiness, lest it be stripped from me. Where I had to conceal the things that were important to me lest they be snatched away or denigrated.
Did my parents protect me? no, of course not. They were under the spell too. Their genius son and the second best, quieter, meeker, dumpling-er daughter.
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:823706
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20071011/msgs/823706.html