Posted by RoseyReel on October 20, 2004, at 15:18:46
In reply to Re: Just can't follow through!, posted by mopey on October 19, 2004, at 15:52:45
FOR MOPEY----Thank you so much for your response. I'm so grateful for the emotional support here which really helps me through the grief process--I'm so thankful for all of the understanding.
I'm so, so very sorry for your loss and grief and the children must be so very devistated; and especially so for her 20 year old daughter, bless her heart. I know that even with the expected death of a loved one experiencing a lengthy illness, the grief of loss is the same. But I've found the experience of losing someone in a sudden death carries with it an additional "shock factor". Even though I know the cause, the "why", which we are not privy to know, is always there and I still re-experience the feelings of shock that my youngest son is no longer with me. It is intensified by the fact that he was the one of my three that I could always depend on at a moments notice. I still relive in my mind the early morning visit from the sheriff's department and try to keep my mind occupied with handwork, TV, hobbies---anything to keep my thought processes on something else. But, intermittently seeping in, will be that "shock factor", like an added bonus. My rule of thumb these days is go to bed when exhausted and when waking, get up quickly to fill my mind and avoid overthinking.
As to following through, I'm glad that it isn't a "just me" thing. And as to the notes to family and friends, I'm having the same problem sending out the follow-up notes to people who attended the viewing. The amazing thing is that the following day, after his 2-day viewing, I sat down and addressed envelopes and signed cards for alot of the people who attended and ran out of cards. Then, got no further with finishing the rest I had purchased or even posting any of them. I think at the time, confronting it so soon was a "knee-jerk" reaction and now I can't seem to face it at all--almost two months later. I suppose pretty soon it will be really too late to worry about it. I can only remember once having received follow-up notes on my appearances to viewings---this is surely the reason why. At any rate, I think people must surely understand what an emotional undertaking it is.
I have yet to receive any paperwork from the Medical Examiner's office so I can even have myself appointed Executor to access and deal with any of his holdings--life insurance, bank account, etc., that will pay for his final expenses, so cannot attain any closure to activities surrounding his death. All of that hinges on their receiving final blood test results to issue the death certificate. They are not slow, but it is a big city and they are overwhelmed--I feel lucky that the M.E. was so understanding in letting me know personally the founded cause of death prior to the legal finding. That did, at least, give me closure as to the cause of his death.
I wish you all well and my heart is with you and the children. They are fortunate to have you with them. God Bless.
poster:RoseyReel
thread:402986
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/405211.html