Posted by noa on May 29, 2003, at 16:59:21
In reply to Re: Refractory Bitterness, Anger, and Resentment, posted by Tabitha on May 29, 2003, at 12:46:26
It is a grief process.
I have gone through it too. It is hard.
But one thing to remember--the habit of comparing and measuring oneself to others nearly always leaves us feeling inadequate, and only becomes another way to beat ourselves up.
Maybe, when you find yourself going there, or hanging there too long, try to divert the attention a bit to some self-empathy, as if talking to another griever: talk to yourself in sympathy about how hard it is to accept loss. Just to provide comforting. But try to veer away from the bitter comparisons of self to others.
I allowed myself to be angry at the disease. But the real bite of the bitterness didn't start to abate until I started realizing that I was still blaming myself for the disease, and needed to begin to let go of that.
It is unfair. It stinks. Depression creates lots of loss. I found it helpful to grieve the loss, but then to try to find a way to move on. Moving on did not mean forgetting my grief, it just meant learning not to be so consumed by it. But it is a process.
It is possible to find a way to make some peace with this. But it does take time, and it is an ongoing process even when it gets more peaceful, it is something that I revisit every so often, although in a more contained way than I used to.
I know it sounds rather trite, but I really do think that finding a place to volunteer for people who need and will appreciate your help and presence, can really help. First, it can help maintain the perspective that yeah, I got it a lot worse than many, but better than many, too. And it feels so good to feel wanted and appreciated.
Hope this makes sense.
poster:noa
thread:229646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/230011.html