Posted by Ilene on July 9, 2003, at 21:15:35
In reply to Refractory Bitterness, Anger, and Resentment, posted by Bob on May 28, 2003, at 3:27:19
> I was wondering whether there are any persons on this board who, as a result of mental illness (or actually any serious chronic illness for that matter), have developed a persistent and intense bitterness about what has happened to them and how unjust it seems. I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety for over a decade now
Only a decade?
and in the past few years it as become a very bitter issue for me, as I perceive that I will now never be like my peers, who have far outstripped me in every capacity imaginable.
Yes.
I constantly compare myself to my friends and acquaintances and invariably am very unhappy with the results I get. Whenever I visit friends or talk with them, it is almost a constant spotlight on my frailties and shortcomings (e.g.: I no longer work and am on LTD, I am almost nonfunctional and do very little with my days, I have almost no emotional stability, I have many physical problems now that no doctor seems to be able to diagnose). On the other hand, most of the people I grew up with have gone on to fantastic jobs in great cities (NY, SF) making mad money. They are all paired off now and most have kids. The on example that doesn't is waiting. I'm not exaggerating here. The world has passed me by and I can't seem to put it out of my mind.
>I used to be better at tolerating other people's accomplishments, but I've almost lost that capacity. My life is getting worse and worse, and I feel left behind. I realize there's no point in comparing myself to other people, but I do. The truth is that most people are reasonably happy--or if not that, then not despairing--and I am unhappy no matter what.
> As a result of the above, I often find myself engaging in schadenfreudistic (is that a viable form of the word?)
No, it's not. "Viable" means "alive".
thoughts. I'm aware that most people have these type musings from time to time, but I have practically made it my hobby. I don't want to be consumed by this hatred and bitterness, but it is happening anyway.
>
> Does anyone here have suggestions for how to escape from this downward spiral? Please no religious advice, as I already have a problem with the whole God thing because of this.
>
> Thanks,
>
> BobI try not to hate people who aren't constantly taking their own emotional pulse. But by now I feel a constant bitterness that not only am I barely functional, but actually getting worse. I have no idea whether that feeling would go away if I were somehow "cured". Whatever personal assets I've retained are no compensation for a geometrically accumulating pile of personal deficits.
Ilene
poster:Ilene
thread:229646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/240423.html