Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 13:54:47
In reply to Re: therapist on vacation » Penny, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 13:34:56
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> We talked again about having a backup for when he's gone. He's going to talk to the therapist he has in mind. That is if he remembers. Which isn't all that likely. He said we could set up a session with all three of us to introduce me.
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> And you know what? Now I'm scared and not sure if I want it. I'm afraid the new guy won't make me feel safe, and I'll feel that much more dependent on my therapist. And I'm afraid the new guy will make me feel safe. And I have no idea why that scares me, but it does. My therapist says the fear seems perfectly reasonable to him - the fear that I'll find out that he's not as important to me as I think he is. But I don't understand that a bit. :(
I can understand his point. It was my fear when changing therapists - that I would discover my old therapist wasn't perhaps as good as I thought she was. Not sure you could discover that in one or two visits though. But what have I discovered? My old therapist leaves a lot to be desired. Not that she wasn't good, but that she suited needs that needed to be filled at the time, and probably wouldn't be as appropriate for me now. Or perhaps I'm changing to suit the therapist (not intentionally, just working with the stronger abilities of each). Perhaps to 'fit' the therapist is better terminology.I had that fear too when my old therapist went on maternity leave and I was supposed to see a new therapist while she was gone. And I did see the new therapist - twice - and then no more. For nearly three months I didn't go to therapy. Why? Because the new therapist DIDN'T make me feel as safe as the old. And in a way that made me feel good because it reinforced that I wasn't crazy for feeling so strongly about my old therapist, is was that she was just that good.
But now that I have a new therapist (well, I guess I have been seeing her for 6 months, so she's not really that new anymore!), someone who I really like and feel really safe and comfortable with, I find myself wondering if I would have grown much had I stayed in Charlotte and stayed with my old therapist. My old therapist was wonderful. She was great for me with what I was going through at the time. And there are things I miss about her. But my current therapist is wonderful too, and she's great for what I am going through at this time, and I'm so glad to have found her.
The weird part? Sometimes I have hard feelings toward my former therapist. Not that she ever did anything to me to make me feel that way, but sometimes I see some of the qualities in my current therapist that my old therapist lacked and it makes me feel like perhaps I didn't get as much out of my three years with her as I could have. Then I feel guilty. Because I still love her and I still miss her, and maybe I'm just trying to make it easier to live without her.
Regardless, my current therapist is fantastic.
poster:Penny
thread:238448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/238477.html