Posted by Pfinstegg on March 7, 2004, at 22:58:34
In reply to Re: women without children, posted by noa on March 7, 2004, at 12:23:28
I feel very respectful of all the views expressed here- whether of not wanting children, of not feeling well enough to care for them, or of regret that the time may have passed. To speak briefly about the positive aspects of having a child-I waited until I felt well enough to have my one child- and found, to my amazement, that nurturing him helped me fill in the huge hole in my heart from having had a non-nurturing, mentally ill mother. I felt that everything I gave him was something I was also somehow giving myself. I don't think there's a harder job in the world than being a parent, but like all the hardest things, there are such precious and meaningful parts to it. I don't think I could have managed more than one child, though.
For the women, like Noa, perhaps, who have some regrets, I'd suggest not feeling too pessimistic yet. People can give birth much later now than they used to be able to- for example, Sen. Edwards' wife, who has a 2 year old and a 4-year old at age 54 (with medical help of an unspecified kind!). I have a friend who was childless until age 53, and who now has three adopted children from the Ukraine. She's working and supporting them, coping with the attachment problems arising from the fact that they all came from an orphanage, and bit by bit, they are all forming a healthy, even if unusual, family. She had previously weathered two divorces and a severe bout of depression. I admire her so much for finally doing what she really wanted.
But to go back to the other side of the question - there are so many ways to live a full, meaningful life, even when one has to battle an emotional illness. Becoming one's truest self, using some of our gifts and talents both to fulfill ourselves, and to make a small contribution to the world, and making connections to others (perhaps just one or two others) are at least as important as having children- probably more so.
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:320209
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/321864.html