Posted by B2chica on May 15, 2004, at 18:23:11
In reply to Re: Your son... (sorry long) » B2chica, posted by Angel Girl on May 14, 2004, at 14:23:45
AG
about friends...i have two friends at work that i know are good friends and would help me out/have helped me out when needed. But then there are times that i think, they don't Really know, they don't Really care...i feel so alone, and don't want to "pull" them into my...stuff...
-then a couple days later the fog lifts and i realize it was me saying this, not them...maybe it's a sideways paranoia but it's there none the less. Sometimes i feel closer to the people here at babble than anyone else.
And like your friends said, maybe that's what we need right now.Abandonment is your issue, mine is betrayal so i understand...it's just something we've learned to expect, i guess that's why i don't always let friends in or why i assume they don't REALLY know. i can't let them get that close cuz it hurts that much more when the time comes. The only advice i can add here is that i think if you can you should really try to see a psychologist (therapist) for your abandonment suffering. i'm new to this process but i know i can't live forever like this...it's killing me inside and i know i need help. So if you feel even 1/8th of the pain/hurt i feel Please look for help.
>> I agree with what you are saying about God but to my knowledge isn't BPII a chemical imbalance that we are born with? If so, then this is the way he created me.
-sorry but when i read this my first reaction was a chuckle and the words "smart @$$" came to mind...but yes, this is the way we were created. and to be completely honest i would not trade being bipolar2 for ANYTHING in the world. Through even the worst depression and the worst mania, i love the life that i've been able to experience because of my extreme emotions. I realize this is just IMHO, but it's how i personally feel.
> <quote>
> >...shamful for even wanting to talk about my SO CALLED (pathetic excuse for) PROBLEMS. <end quote>
>
> Although I agree totally with that, I still feel the guilt. I can't help but to feel like my problems are so small compared to what others have dealt with.i can't express enough how exactly i feel like this. The bad part is i rock back and forth. At times i'm balled up in bed crying/screaming that i can't take the memories anymore and i need to tell Someone, that i will start talking to my T at the next visit, then by the time i go to my appt. i've all but talked myself out of it by the above self conversation of how trivial mine are and i'm selfish for even thinking anyone would care...guilt, guilt...etc. etc...
> I strongly believe that unless you're experiencing any kind of mental disorder, you truly can't understand what the person is going through no matter how hard you try.
-i used to think that my one "gift" in life was that i could truly empathize with others, i could infact really understand each persons pains and distraught, partially because of my life expereiences (i was off and on suicidal growing up...now i know why). But when my depression hit new levels, once i came above water again i realized that NO ONE unless they've experienced that could EVER understand. So maybe this is just one more reason Bipolar is a Dx in my life. Maybe...just maybe my experiences may help one more person seek out help or be a little less judgemental? who knows.
And (((((Angel Girl))))), right back at you. you made my day with that cyber hug...i'm REALLY needing it this weekend.
Thank you.
B2c.
> {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{b2c}}}}}}}}}}}
> Angel Girl
poster:B2chica
thread:344489
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/347219.html