Posted by Racer on July 15, 2004, at 16:04:23
In reply to Wanting to quit again, posted by tabitha on July 15, 2004, at 1:13:21
(I always feel kinda defensive when I use an example from my own situation to illustrate a point, thus the subject line...)
I'm working on my second writing assignment right now, Tabitha, and it's about my own situation with an invalidating therapist -- whom I felt was abusive -- and the DBT group she led. It's incredibly distressing for me to write about, because every emotion I experienced during that nightmare is coming back as I try to write about it, with an underlying sense of helplessness/hopelessness/impotence/anger/despair. It's horrible, although I do think the pain involved *is* therapeutic for me.
Pain is sometimes therapeutic, of course, but what you've been describing here is just *not.* Your report of that guy saying, "Oh, you just don't want to feel any pain" sounds so much like what I've been trying to write about -- the agency personnel shifting responsibility for their misdeeds and failures back onto me, because "no one can do this for you, you have to do the *work* you know." And that sense that no one is even trying to listen? In spades, Tabs, in spades.
That guy sounds like what we used to call "est-holes" -- anyone remember E.S.T.? A lot of people I met who had been through est seemed to be totally unwilling even to consider that their behavior might legitimately have had an impact on others. That's what I've been feeling with this agency, and what I'm *sensing* from your posts about all this. They all seem to be shifting focus away from anything they may have done, and back to me (or you), because, after all, it's not what actually *happens* that counts, only how we react to it -- implicite in that seems to be a strong connotation of "overreact", at least in my case.
I'm sorry that this is still going on for you, Miss Tabby, and wish like anything I could do something to make it better. I hope knowing that others are concerned for you helps, even if there's not much else we can do. Sorry I'm not a hugger, but you've got my best wishes always.
poster:Racer
thread:366359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040703/msgs/366575.html