Posted by pretty_paints on July 20, 2004, at 11:49:39
Hi guys, I havent posted on this board yet, only on the meds one.
Do any of you ever have the feeling that someone is watching you? Not an actual PERSON, like being paranoid that someone's behind you etc. But in my head! Iv had it for about 3 years. The person watching over me is an ex-boyfriend who I was madly in love with at the time but who I havent seen for ages. He's always always there. And whatever I'm doing, even if I'm on my own, I'm always acting in a way to impress him, or look cute or whatever. Kind of, "if he could see me now!" type thing. I even separate from the situation sometimes, like for example I might be like "ooh look at me sat there with that rug, reading a book by the fire, don't I look cute". Does that make any sense at all to anyone??
Of course this has stopped me acting myself, to the point where I don't even know what myself is anymore. Its difficult to distinguish why I do things. Even when I say to myself that I'm wearing a particular red coat for example, because I WANT TO, deep down its probably for HIS benefit. But I don't know what is truly me anymore and what is just "me trying to impress him"! Argh its so difficult.
I just wondered, does anyone else have any idea what I'm on about or experienced something similar? I have had a lot of problems over the last few years but nothing horrendously tragic. I had a fine childhood as far as I know and cant remember anything like abuse etc. If anyone has had anything similar, what were the reasons behind it, do u know?
How can I disconnect myself from this guy in my head??!
xxx
poster:pretty_paints
thread:368252
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368252.html