Posted by Susan47 on July 20, 2004, at 16:50:42
In reply to Somebody's always watching me, posted by pretty_paints on July 20, 2004, at 11:49:39
Pretty paints,
Yes I think I know exactly what you're talking about. I've been like that since I first fell in love at 14. And I've had that feeling of being watched and acting for someone, with several DIFFERENT men over the course of my life so far. Right now it's my psychologist, gorgeous hunk of man that he is (gasp). And I think that's a good thing because of course he has to be unavailable, so I feel I'm safe ... anyway he's been looking over my shoulder so to speak for over a year now. I can't stop imagining he's there, and lately it feels like he really is, I can hear his voice in my head and he gives good advice when I need it. It's the weirdest thing ever, I find it stranger even than I do, me acting as if he were watching.What do you think of the concept that when you're in love, you're looking at that person being a kind of role model as well .. because part of the feeling of "love" is idealization? I idealize who I think I "love".
It's natural to want to be your best for someone you idealize. And if you need positive attention because you didn't get it at the right developmental stage (as I suspect I didn't) then who're you going to go to? Even if it is imaginary. It's safe, and you can always imagine his reaction to what you're doing, to be a positive one.
That's my take on this anyway. And I feel frustrated with this when it does happen to me. I find that studying, keeping my mind busy, really helps.
poster:Susan47
thread:368252
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368345.html