Posted by henrietta on July 20, 2004, at 19:00:05
You must consciously relinquish all the benefits of the wound. Honestly acknowldege the benefits you get from not forgiving. You may find that they are not consistent with the person you want to be. You may find they are not really benefits.
The wound clung to---we use the wound as an excuse to not create a new world for ourselves. We become dependent on it and live in the past.
When you have been gravely wounded your ego struggles and squirms to get some benefits, to hold onto it. You might indulge in ostentatious martyrdom, try to use guilt to your advantqge. Brandish your wound, force people to treat you with kid gloves,to give you your way.
To withhold forgiveness is to choose to remain the victim. To pretend false forgiveness is a power move.Dishonesty will always either bite you you know where (if you are honest) or increase your self-delusional sanctimoniouness, causing pain you can't imagine to the traffic victims you leave in your wake.
"Forgivenes is giving up the resentment to which you are entitled, and offering to the person who hurt you friendlier attitudes than he/she is entitled to."
False "forgiveness" is neither magnamimous nor gracious. It is an outward inflicted replica of your own ancient wound.
poster:henrietta
thread:368381
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368381.html