Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 11:23:27
In reply to For Dinah, posted by Susan47 on July 23, 2004, at 9:56:59
Well, I think that that isn't totally black and white. Because sometimes being supportive doesn't *look* like what we'd like to see. And we don't pay them to do what we want them to do. We pay them to do what they think is best for us. And sometimes that may be making us feel very bad indeed.
When that happens, I talk with my therapist. I tell him that what he is saying feels hurtful to me and ask what he is hoping to accomplish by his words. Sometimes I understand that he is trying to help me by telling me things that I don't really want to hear.
Sometimes I'm able to help him help me better. Because, as he says, all the wisdom in the world is no good if it isn't phrased in a way that the client can understand and can tolerate and be receptive to it.
So I'm not at all shy about saying "You know, tough love has never worked all that well with me." or "I'm more easily led than driven." or even specific examples "Last week when you said XXX, it just made me want to do YYY, and I don't think that's what you intended. So let's talk about different ways of saying that so that you're more likely to get the reaction you'd like." Sometimes he listens. Well all the times he listens. Sometimes he admits he erred in his approach. Sometimes he just laughs at me. :)
I've got to say he's gotten absolutely brilliant at it. He knows me so well that he knows just how to present things so that they tickle my mind without making me lock my hind legs and refuse to move. I don't even have to coach him anymore. :) I'm so impressed.
poster:Dinah
thread:368717
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/369404.html