Posted by daisym on February 8, 2005, at 22:55:17
In reply to (((((Daisy))))) I'll help catch you. More hugs. (nm), posted by Poet on February 8, 2005, at 17:59:27
Thank you all for the support. I love this group, truly.
My husband came home today. There seems to be minor damage to the muscle, not enough for any repair work. At this point they are guessing at a "brief" clot...and given his other illnesses, don't want to chance an invasive procedure if they don't have to. So...so.
My youngest is still struggling, but his therapist emailed me today to give some advice and add his support. It is nice to have a such good caring people in our lives.
I'm in that space of exhaustion right now, everything feels unreal and tentative. I'm anxious and fretful. Partly I MISS MY OWN THERAPIST -- whom I haven't seen for 6 days now. I think this is the longest since this summer. (how sad is that?!)
All of this brings up so many questions...how do I keep doing the work I'm doing in therapy with potential disaster hanging over my head? If I'm all torn up, how do I handle stuff? And mostly, sorting out my feelings about my marriage and the effects the long term illness has had on it seems very selfish and insensitive of me right now. Who am I to complain when I'm healthy?
I can hear my therapist asking, "But do you have a choice? If the memories are interfering in your life, they have to be dealt with. You can't ignore that which refuses to be ignored."
I feel like I should try. And the only way I can see to accomplish this is to stop going for a while. And just typing that sentence brings out the tears.
I feel trapped and alone. If one more person says, "I don't know how you do it all!" I'm going to scream. I'm scared -- of how I feel about all of this and how I don't feel. I guess it feels like that last straw.I keep asking myself if I can really handle this, especially knowing it is only going to continue to get worse.
OK, deep breath. Tomorrow, as they say, is another day.
poster:daisym
thread:454139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050206/msgs/455229.html