Posted by Tamar on December 9, 2005, at 14:39:59
In reply to totally losing it here :*** ( *warning**, posted by Frida on December 9, 2005, at 13:58:25
(((((Frida)))))I hear your distress. I can understand that you really, really want to tell her, but that you’re very afraid to talk.
She might agree to see you twice a week… or she might not have time in her schedule. I know that it would be a huge disappointment to you if you don’t get to see her more often, or if you don’t manage to tell her.
On the other hand, it sounds like you’re putting yourself under a great deal of pressure to tell her just before she goes away and is unable to support you in the aftermath of telling.
If you haven’t told her *any* of it, then you might find it really hard to start and then have to stop for a month and a half.
It sounds to me as if the urgency to tell comes from a fear of abandonment. Maybe you want to be sure she knows ‘who you are’ before she leaves you. Maybe you’re a little afraid she’ll never come back.
The thing that worked for me when I was afraid to talk was writing it. It took me a while to be able to write it. But after I wrote it down I was able to talk about it. Have you tried writing some of it down?
You probably won’t be able to tell her everything before you go. But if you are able to tell her the first sentence of it you might feel better. And then you’ll have to find ways to maintain your emotions while she’s away. I reckon you shouldn’t try to tell everything in the circumstances.
I told my T I wanted to talk about sexual violence (I couldn’t say the R-word). For two sessions we discussed what talking about sexual violence would mean. It took ages before I could tell any kind of story. Whatever you want to discuss, if you can give it a name that you can say but that you can feel able to distance yourself from if necessary… that might be an answer for you.
Sorry; I don’t think I’m being much help. But I’ll be thinking of you.
Take care,
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:587375
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051206/msgs/587404.html