Posted by All Done on December 29, 2005, at 1:57:46
In reply to Re: I really do know nothing is magic or easy. » All Done, posted by daisym on December 27, 2005, at 16:50:05
> I wish I knew the answer. I've been working on this forever it feels like. A couple of things helped me...check in phone calls, journaling and having something of his to hold. I don't call much anymore but knowing I still can is really helpful. I write a lot when I'm feeling sad and lonely, trying to sort out why. And I pull away, and then freak out because it feels worse without the attachment.
Fairly recently, the topic of phone calls between sessions came up. Unfortunately, I found out we weren't on the same page about the reasons *why* I might call him. He did end up reassuring me that I can call, if I need to, but it's made me even more nervous about calling than I was before. :(
We also talked a while back about me wanting something tangible from his office. It didn't go much beyond the concept, though. Maybe??? I could bring up the topic again.
> How much have you read about Self-psychology? When I started to understand that I needed my therapist for stability as I let go of old constructs and started building new ones, the intensity of my attachment actually made more sense to me. After all, I am trying to redefine myself and strengthen my core -- my heart of hearts. When he isn't around for a period of time, I begin to doubt this new structure and I fight against all the parts of me that are alive and speaking out. Mostly I'm afraid of feeling my feelings when I'm not with him to make it safe.
>
> I don't know if any of this rings true for you...but there is a good reason your attachment is so intense. You just don't know what it is yet. What is your therapist saying about it all? Does he have any thoughts about how you could reduce your suffering between sessions?This makes sense to me and it has felt pretty scary when I'm not with him. I don't know what I think it going to happen, but I feel a million times safer when I'm with him.
I'm having a hard time remember what my T has been saying about anything, lately, but I don't know that he's really offered any specific ideas other than increasing the frequency of my sessions. I'll have to ask him next time if he has any other ideas.
> I wish I could find just the right thing to say. I know it hurts.
> (((alldone)))Thank you, Daisy. You say all the right things. I'm just sorry you know about the hurt, too.
Hugs,
Laurie
poster:All Done
thread:592469
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/593022.html