Posted by daisym on December 29, 2005, at 10:52:33
In reply to sorry long...New definitions **Trigger**, posted by B2chica on December 28, 2005, at 21:14:59
Please remind me again of the age difference between you and your brother...
If he was much older, it seems to me that this was a form of sadistic entertainment for him. Obviously he had some problems of his own. Did it feel angry, like he was trying to hurt you? Was it a form of torture? You wrote that he pushed you gently back down on the bed...which makes me think it was a game for him, at least in his mind, treating you like an object and not a person. Kids are mean to each other all the time, teasing, irritating each other, even physically fighting. I just can't imagine where this behavior would come from unless he was being abused himself in someway or had other issues.
If you guys were close in age, like he was 8 or 9, playing doctor among siblings is pretty common. This was extreme, but children of this age are often facinated with the anus, because they can shock people talking about poop or f*rts or whatever. Still -- ongoing like this really indicates that your brother had some real mental health issues - I know you already know that.
YOU weren't/aren't sick or disgusting or anything like that. You were a little girl being held hostage. People who were suppose to take care of you didn't. But you know what? (this is going to sound harsh) -- finding the right label, the correct terminology, the "appropriate" way to say it out loud isn't going to change how horrible it makes you feel. You can say sodomy or anal sex or penetration but it doesn't change that it was brutal and humiliating. I did this for awhile, I kept looking for the right way to describe it, to be "fair" about what it really was. And sometimes I still do that. Like I would say, "it wasn't rape -- I wasn't afraid for my life (//?//); it wasn't a surprise and it wasn't an attack."
For me it was an attempt to be polite as I talked about it and to distance myself from it. My therapist would restate what I said using all the terms and it made me wince. He, however, didn't flinch. Now, depending on how I feel, I'll use all kinds of words, or hide behind the all encompassing word "abuse."
I guess I'm trying to tell you that there is no right or wrong way to describe it. What happened was horrible. There is no way to dress it up for polite discussion. It doesn't deserve that kind of presentation anyway. It is ugly. Let it be ugly.
I wish I could make it easier for you.
(((B2)))
poster:daisym
thread:590359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/593093.html