Posted by zenhussy on January 2, 2006, at 17:59:48
In reply to Re: sorry long...New definitions **Trigger** » zenhussy, posted by daisym on January 2, 2006, at 16:27:28
>>>I know what happened to you is so much worse
nope sweetie. nobody had it "worse"
unfortunately as children we're often not able to define what is done to us as abuse. it can take years in therapy to build trust just to even say the words "rape" "incest" "abuse" "torture" etc.
so when do we know it is all out? when we're no longer plagued by wishing for death and feeling lower than a slug's slime trail and no longer putting everyone elses needs before our own. we know it is closer to coming all out when we are able to remain in the present for most triggering events that only a couple years back unhinged us.
feeling sorry for oneself is allowed and often a major part of the healing. when younger and in the midst of abuse usually children aren't given any comfort, support or validation. it makes sense to "relearn" and not re-live but LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME learning how to allow others to help us, learning how to say yes when people offer to listen to our pain inside, learning how to do the steps that work for each person/system to help validate and chip away at the self loathing and hatred that can be part of the abuse tracks laid down deep in our soul.
time, therapy, doing the work and medications with *constant* communication with pdoc and awesome support from a varied health team (yes, even on the dole one can find ppl outside the system)have all helped shift a suicidally thinking zh three years back into a "life is a hassle and there still are huge hills to climb but death isn't the auto answer and mistakes do not equate 'must die now'"
hth and sweetie just know that by doing the work you are doing, being honest with your T and pdoc and yourself/ves that you're going to continue to grow stronger as the secrets are let out.
you ARE on the path and you ARE doing the work.
taking time to feel sorry and lay low when appropriate is very healthy. allowing oneself to "feel" poorly w/o getting into all the reasons one SHOULDN'T be feeling that way helps one become more in touch with the emotions that one spent years dissociating from.
you're not making mountains daisy........you are climbing and conquering mountains. molehills? those are for wussies! abuse isn't molehills.
don't diminish what you lived through.
kindly,
__zh
poster:zenhussy
thread:590359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/594445.html