Posted by B2chica on January 2, 2006, at 10:57:52
In reply to Re: sorry long...New definitions **Trigger** » B2chica, posted by daisym on December 29, 2005, at 10:52:33
thank you daisy. i've had a loooong week. thursday i started in about my mother, some early childhood and teen stuff. my T asked if i wanted to see him again on friday (to continue) i needed to, it's like i struck a nerve and needed to get the filth out of my. thurs night i wrote down some of the stuff my mom did that disturbed me. friday i was embarrased and humiliated to show T, but i thought of you guys and i know you'd say that i've already felt humilation from when it happened, at least this time i'd be safe and with someone who cares. i let it all out, i included the post i put here about what my brother did.
i no longer have any secrets with my T.
he said that from what i described about my mother he wouldn't be surprised if my brother was abused also.my brother is two and 1/2 years older than me.
anyway. when i let my T read what i wrote about my mother i couldn't even stand to be 'there', so i took my mp3 player and told him that i'm super humiliated and didn't know how he'd react so i was going to listen to music and just wave at me when he's done. my music takes me away.
when he was done, he waved to me, looked at me (i then immediately looked down) and he said 'chica, you mother is crazy'. he said that the things she did was sexual abuse. it's still wierd to hear that cuz it seems so normal, like that is just part of life, it's how things were. but he said he said that i was an extension of her and there were no boundries and he doesn't know where in the hell i got mine.
we'll talk more about it tomorrow.
it was SO hard sat. cuz my husband had us throw a new year's eve party and of course invited my mother and father. i couldn't even stand to look at her. luckily i stayed in the kitchen and did the hostess thing and sent her down stairs, but right away she said oh hi, you look so good, blah, blah, blah-all gidy like she was doped up, showing off her 'good mother behavior'. it made me sick. i finally had to go to my room and SI a little, i didn't cut just bruised up my arm really good. i'm not sure how long i can hide it from my hubby, they're big bruises, but i felt better.long story short. i'm finally over the hill of secrets, its all out. now i just need to talk about them in therapy. i just can't believe how great my T is. i still can't believe he doesn't cringe at the thought of me, being sick or something.
thanks for the support daisym.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:590359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/594326.html