Posted by littleone on December 29, 2005, at 15:16:17
I wanted to share my last session with you guys. It was the last one before my T went away on his first break. I only have 4 days until he comes back now so I feel like I can start to let a few things out instead of holding them all in real tight.
Bear in mind that it was the last session before his break, so I wanted a nice easy session, nothing upsetting and I wanted to try and be a little connected to him before he left.
Instead, I had two nightmares come true.
My session was scheduled for 4pm and at lunch time I got a call from his receptionist asking if I could come in earlier. It turned out that he had no sessions booked between 12 and 4 and then I was his last appointment on his last day of work.
This is real nightmare material for me. I hate to be a bother to anyone and this is like the biggest bother. To have someone sitting around and twiddling their thumbs and waiting for me and getting sh*tty at me because I'm stopping them from having an early day for once.
I know logically that that isn't how he felt about it all. And I had managed to write a bit of this on the bottom of the writeup I did for him that session, so he did talk about it. But it didn't really work. Didn't really get through to me. And I think that's because he was talking to the adult, when it's a young part that's upset about this.
So anyway, I couldn't bear to hold him up like that, so I told the receptionist I would come in early but didn't know when I could be there. She said that was fine, to just come in whenever.
So I turned up a couple of hours early and nightmare number two happened. No one was there. I was locked out. Logically I knew they'd just ducked out and would be back soon, but jeez, that was a bad hour for me. Very bad. Can't write about that yet.
Eventually he turned up and let me in and we had our session and it was just awful because I was such a vegetable and still rather distressed. And the whole time I was thinking that I should have just gone home, that this session would wreck his holidays for me before he even left.
But then towards the end of the session, he asked to see a photo. We have this thing where I take photos when I'm out somewhere and it's usually a photo of something a young part wants to show him about the outing. I think it is a young part who is connectd to him a bit and doing the photo thing helps that along.
So I had a photo of a sculptured plaque thing that was set in the track at the start of a hike I did recently. It's real pretty and it had a bird and a frog and a butterfly and a snake and a worm and leaves and a tree root and sum snails and other things in it.
And it was like he was really talking to the young part directly about it and it was so nice and it made it all better before he went away. I even stayed connected to him for 2 days which is a long time for me.
And it's so funny when he talks to a young part directly. I feel it so strongly inside me (the young part that is) just bursting with happiness and it babbles on about "did you see that? He talked to me. He was talking to me." and other stuff like it's just so ... I don't know the word ... proud/happy that he acknowledged she existed and he was nice to her and seemed to care about her and was interested in her.
Instead of dismissed, ignored, talked down to, other stuff that we got from childhood.
I miss him. Wish he would come back and talk to her again.
poster:littleone
thread:593135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/593135.html