Posted by Susan47 on January 3, 2006, at 20:37:11
In reply to Re: Help me please, re: ex-T, posted by Susan47 on January 1, 2006, at 16:08:29
Well actually I must not have. Because I still am phoning. I hate the way I need the truth. I hate it, the way I am. I'm like a dog who won't let go of a rotting, stinking carcass .. because there must be nourishment in there somewhere. Somewhere, I know there's good. And I'll die trying to get it. I have to stop. Someone help me stop. I'm effing useless this way. I keep trying to explain and understand what isn't understandable, what will never be explained, I keep tearing my soul to a bloody pulp trying to understand that I am Okay. Wanting This Person, this person, to make all the difference for me. Because he seemed like he could, he seemed like he would. Until it was all ruined, by me. I don't know what exactly, probably a look, an expression, the wrong words, but something made me awful. I can be not awful. I can be other things. Why does it hurt so much, oh dear God why WHY does it hurt so much to be seen so dismissively, so resentfully, why does it matter? Who knows why it matters? Why does it matter, what is WRONG with me?
poster:Susan47
thread:592087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/594915.html