Posted by Damos on January 5, 2006, at 16:19:19
In reply to Re: I did the work, posted by Susan47 on January 5, 2006, at 0:07:19
Hey Suze :-)
I'm a man so that probably disqualifies me from any hope of understanding, but I'm trying, and if you keep talking about it I'll keep listening, just as long as it takes.
You're right you know, in this thread you've finally got to stuff you've been talking around since I've know you - thank you. Thank you for being brave (or desperate) enough to say what you have in this thread. And Susan it doesn't matter which it was because you've started to spit out the poison and that's all that matters.
Honestly I've got to agree with a lot of what Joslynn said. You know a fair bit about me and my ex, well Suze it took me nearly 16 years to realise that she never really saw ME, took parts of me I couldn't afford to lose. I was addicted and stupid and tragic and pathetic. I was a convenience item. Repeated rejection and humiliation only made my need to be *seen* by her even worse. The day I was able to admit this to myself was awful, but liberating. Please don't wait as long as me to free yourself. I can tell you that even though we are still friends and our relationship dynamic has changed significantly for the better there is still no recognition of the hurt that was done.
This man looked at you but didn't see YOU. He listened but didn't hear. He met but didn't relate. And his looking stole from you. Stole something important, something you couldn't afford to lose. Stole from you the chance to become the one thing you wanted, and made you feel and become things you didn't want. And you're angry as h*ll that the only thing he sees is what you most didn't want. You're angry as h*ll that you gave him your trust, your honesty and openness, your self, and he crushed it. You're angry that he let you build up this image of him, an image that is now contradictory and confusing and painful. You feel deeply betrayed. How am I doing? You're angry that accidentally or intentionally he encouraged or at the very least didn't discourage something that has led you to a lot of pain and instability in the way you see yourself. You're angry that when it got uncomfortable for him he just walked away like you were nothing. And this, this hurts most of all, because the thing you wanted most was to be something, someone. Because no-one, not even yourself had allowed you to be the very special someone you know you can be.
Sorry Suze, but this is really upsetting me so I need to take a break, but I'll be back okay. Thank you for letting me see just a little of you. Your friendship means a lot to me my dear sweet Susan, as long as you keep fighting for you you'll always have us in your corner.
(((((Susan)))))
poster:Damos
thread:592087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/595522.html