Posted by Susan47 on January 8, 2006, at 16:17:04
In reply to Re: I did the work, posted by one woman cine on January 6, 2006, at 13:27:21
> Wait, let me see if I have this right, you saw him for 13 sessions, maybe 3 months at once a week; and you've been calling him for over a year?
>
> Hmmm. Whenever someone provokes a strong emotional response in me, I know it's usually not them - rather it's something about me that's resonates so deeply. It does sound to me as if you've been stalking him, by your description - & I can define stalking, if you like - but I think you'd agree with me.
>
That is an extremely unhelpful comment to have made.
Labelling this thing as "stalking" is unkind and not useful right now; it's a direct result of what our litigious society is all about and it's hurtful and gets a lot of people into unnecessary trouble. This therapist had many many ways and means available to him so that this would not have become what it has. He didn't use them. I was in a seriously deranged emotional state that prevented me from being able to manage myself in any other way, at the time. Right now, I'm clearer-headed. But I waver. Because this was a Huge emotional issue for me.. and I still believe and no matter what silly thing this therapist is telling himself or someone else that's a lie .. and I believe that, as well. Because none of his actions with me in the last year or so would indicate any understanding of the reality of my situation, and what occurred in the therapy room. Therapy. Hah. I wonder if he even calls himself that, in his own mind. Psychologist. What does a psychologist do, exactly? Other than a proven method like EMDR, what is their usefulness and what is the pay-off for the patient? We know what it is for the doctor.> I hear you describe alot of shame and remorse at times, but it doesn't negate your actions - especially if you are continuing to call.
>
I don't feel ashamed and remorseful when I'm kind to myself. I've spent far too much of my life, being unkind to myself. My oh my, you sound as judgemental about me as I did. Once. But not anymore. Not right now, in any case. Because right now, I feel really strong. I know the reasoning .. more and more, every day. And I should be thanking this a** because he's helped me more by being just himself, than anything he ever could have done otherwise. Only, he should have done it sooner. I wish I had a tape of every call I ever made, because I know he's always done what I asked him to, but waited far too long to do it. Trying his own non-methods, thinking it through (or not!!) first, thinking he could out-smart what I already knew about myself, and the situation. Because HE was in denial .. it's really a mess. but I refuse any more to think that I'm wrong. I'm not wrong. I'm not wrong about this.. but maybe this is my own denial. You see, you see if you're hard on yourself how you can twist your own thinking????> I think first and foremost you can stop this behavior if you want to - to me, continuing to do so if a form of self-annhiliation and destructive. & now, it doesn't matter so much as to "why", but what matters is that is stops. & once again, this isn't for his sake, but for yours.
>
You betcha it's self-annihilating and destructive. And I don't even care right now, how destructive it was to anyone else, because it's been MOST destructive to my own self, and I didn't even allow my empathy for this therapist to come between myself and my urge to self-destruct.
> Tons of stuff has been written about this phenomena, I can give you some links if you'd be interested in reading.
>
What's the phenomena, exactly, and post the links please. I might be interested enough to actually go there and read a bit ..> I also understand, you feel doubly shamed (I don't know do you?) because you felt you loved him and wanted him so much. & maybe it was all over the top, and not handled right. The sad thing is, that wasn't addressed. I am sorry you are feeling so much pain, but I absolutely do not condone this behavior under any circumstance.
I think that sounds sarcastic, about me feeling ashamed, because you think I SHOULD feel ashamed. Today, I'm strong and no, I'm not ... sad because so many people would be so judgemental about what I've said into this answering machine ... but that's all. Just really sad and a bit embarrassed for being the canary... the one who acted out what was wrong in the relationship (the T's and mine) ... I don't care whether you condone "this behaviour under any circumstance" ... if you're referring to mine .. I wonder what someone else might say about the therapist's behaviour ... which I suppose, was okay?
>
> There is a book about a psychiatrist who was stalked called, "I know you really love me", by D. Orion, MD. (& no, I won't link it to Amazon for privacy reasons. I don't need it googled and linked to this discussion.)
>
I think that's really gross, to make a book about that sort of thing .. but it's important, people have to know.. the problem is, the intimate knowledge of an extreme case of anything will traumatize some people into believing it true of a lot of things that AREN'T .. I worked on a particularly gruesome murder case once, and the details surrounding that affected the rest of my LIFE for the next twenty years, only now am I beginning to come out of that ... the problem with psychological problems, (hmm, I don't know how better to explain this) is that sometimes the mind can become really unstable when people are emotionally hurt, and professionals who handly things improperly or don't know enough about themselves or their own issues to get help at the appropriate time when such is required .. well, then it suddenly becomes a threat for everyone. It's tough. It's really tough. And it puts the "patient" in every case, into a bad light. There's a ton of stuff written about psychologists who cross boundaries and hurt patients, too ... but that doesn't mean that every psychologist who is inappropriate with a patient, will have an affair with them .. a look won't look to an affair, just like a phone call to an answering machine won't lead to something more. We should all know that, and yet so many people are addicted to sensationalism and don't know it ... don't know it ... it's so important to know yourself.
> I do agree it is a vicious cycle and I hope you can feel better about this soon.I do, and thank you.
poster:Susan47
thread:592087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/596686.html