Posted by Damos on January 4, 2006, at 16:25:42
In reply to Re: trauma and cycles in the present » Damos, posted by alexandra_k on January 3, 2006, at 23:40:37
> :-)
> Thanks.
> Stupid phone won't turn on again...GRRRRRRHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
> Reading... Couple books I want to read before I go. And sort out the PDF thing. Thuso posted a link to one you can download for 25 days so I was going to do that. And... Tidy up some of my old work and my thesis and put that into PDF... I think that will keep me busy ;-)Can you believe I haven't read a book in 2 and a bit months. Started several but just lose it around page 50. Sure sounds like converting your stuff to PDFs will keep you busy.
> I suppose it is only 35 or something like that ;-)
Actually only mid 20's and again today, even got drizzle today.
So's we don't get redirected. Hurtful is what I'd call the types of things that I was thinking you meant. Still not deliberate though. The kinds of things you kick yourself for saying and doing for the next few hours/days/weeks/months/years. And you're right it's always the people that matter most that seem to cop it. In a weird way it's like I hurt them a little now in order to protect them from me and the serious hurt I know I'll cause them later. Or I do stuff to push them away now because it'll hurt less now than if I let myself 'feel' and get attached and then they leave or hurt me or whatever like everyone always does. What hurts most is that deep down you know you've hurt yourself the most, and that what happened wasn't so much about anything they said or did as it is about what you think and feel about yourself. At least it is for me. But I'm trying hard not to do it anymore. Like JenStar said conscious intent not to keep doing those things is a good place to start. Having people around who give you the space and understanding to be kinda messy helps too.
poster:Damos
thread:593810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/595222.html