Posted by Susan47 on January 6, 2006, at 19:03:56
In reply to Re: How do you forgive your therapist for being, posted by one woman cine on January 6, 2006, at 13:36:55
> Maybe he really is afraid of you. Put yourself in his shoes. I understand you have been hurt and are hurt currently. But what you do affects people. I don't think you need to forgive him for being afraid of you. I think, in fact, you are projecting. Do you feel he needs to forgive you?
>
If he's angry with me, it's probably in his own best interest to work through it somehow, and that would likely take the form of some sort of forgiveness. If I've hurt him, it's because he allowed it .. if it's hurt him personally or hurt his business, it's because he didn't deal with things in the proper manner .. which was mostly, to be upfront and dogged about communicating things properly. Which he did not do.
He very much shied away from me in that respect, after showing me in this nonverbal way that he was.. intrigued. Is this an act? I mean, does he do that with any client he chooses? I don't know. But it was upsetting to be treated in the manner which he did treat me, and the projection of events was not proper.
Not at all.
I do not take more than a very small fraction of responsibility for creating a bad situation, and the fact is that I can't. If I were to do this all again with full KNOWLEDGE of what was going on underneath the surface, in psychological terms, then I don't even think I would deserve to be "forgiven".
Put it this way.
"Forgive", for me, can't even come into the picture at this point. A person has to have done something wrong, and know that, and ASK to be forgiven (which generally means that they feel guilty about it AND are acknowledge responsibility... which, sickeningly enough, a therapist cannot and will not ever do.. NOT EVER, does ANYBODY out there understand the significance of that, for me??? Probably not. But I'll bet, plenty of people are living with this kind of thing - patients)> I don't think it's about being lovesick or anything else.
>
> "I felt sick to be sickening, and man did I ever let him know how sick it felt. "
> This can be scary to someone who no longer sees themself in a relationship with you.
>
Really? At the time, he was still my therapist. Only of course he calls himself a psychologist. Maybe there's a difference. Is there a difference? Because I didn't think your doctor was supposed to be afraid of you without talking to you about it. So if he was scared by that, he really should have confronted me about the sickening element, about what was actually being said in the calls.> & by continuing to call, even when you know "it's crazy" is setting yourself up to be seen as "crazy". You are further victimizing yourself by perpetuating the behavior and the repetitious cycle. No matter what he did, no one else is responsible for the present situation but you.
Oh yes, I did victimize myself. Silly, silly me. How lovely that he was not the victim. How lovely for him. Or did I? Did I make him the victim. He certainly has behaved like one. THAT is what really really makes me feel sick.
poster:Susan47
thread:595608
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/595948.html