Posted by Daisym on May 18, 2006, at 13:56:02
In reply to Re: I called him today and left a message--HF?, posted by Larry Hoover on May 18, 2006, at 7:44:11
****The male/female dynamic is like that elephant in the room. But in this case it's standing right between them, and neither can see the other any longer. Instead, each sees their own responses to the other, projected onto the elephant.****
Hmmm...maybe. I think the pain here (not to speak for HF) is about wanting validation and support from someone we trust to gently tell us the truth but not just drop it at that. They help us explore the "why" of our behavior and tell us that despite our current shortfallings, we still have potential. That THEY believe in our potential, even if we don't.
It is amazing to sit near someone who believes in you, and who helps you believe in yourself. It makes you want to sit near them and draw comfort and strength for hours on end. It makes you run to them when your belief starts to wane...and it is easy to get these feelings of need for strength and reassurance mixed up with or in with, sexualized feelings of need and want.
I think women often find that when they need someone to be intimate with, man or woman, sexual feelings come into play. The primary need maybe for comfort, or to feel that you "matter" to someone else, but these feelings have a powerful physical component. How many times have we read here about wanting to be hugged or give a hug? It might not be sexual but it sure is physical.
My own battle is with the maternal nature of my needs for my therapist. He is a man, I'm a woman. That dynamic has come into play, but I guess he didn't allow it to remain an elephant in the room. Talking about it, calling it out and figuring out how to really name what I want has been painful but necessary. I think HF has really, honestly started this process of figuring out what she needs from her therapist. And it is a painful process because just because you can name the need doesn't mean you get it met, by your therapist or anyone else, necessarily. But knowing what your needs are, for validation, for example, is the first step to finding a way to get them met. In therapy and definitely, outside of therapy. It is the ultimate "love/hate" relationship, I think. For me, I hate the process yet love my therapist.
All that said, if my therapist didn't have an appointment time, he'd do a phone session. But I'm well aware this is unusual, and he happens to be good on the phone.
Just my two cents.
poster:Daisym
thread:644684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/645525.html