Posted by orchid on May 25, 2006, at 21:48:42
In reply to Re: Also Tamar » orchid, posted by Tamar on May 25, 2006, at 19:31:39
> Hi Orchid
>
> I know that you are right: I am better when I participate more. And not just in Babble but in other friendships and social activities as well.
>
> I’m not sure whether the lack of involvement leads me to become more depressed or (as I suspect) whether being more depressed causes me to withdraw from involvement with people.
-------Orchid
I think it is a vicious cycle. When you get little depressed, you avoid friends and other social interactions, and that leads to little more depression, and that leads to more avoidance, and the cycle goes on and on.However, if you break the cycle early on, that is, as soon as you find yourself withdrawing, if you make the effort to just break it, then the cycle would stop there.
I have the same tendency in a different form. When I get depressed, I stop watching comedy shows and fun shows and choose serious movies and shows, and that leads me to more depression. So nowadays, I make a conscious effort to keep watching the comedy shows like Jerry Seinfield, even if I don't feel like it on a particular week or day.
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>
> One of the difficulties I’ve been having recently is that I had a big argument with one of my best friends about a month ago. I haven’t spoken to her since, and at the same time I’ve found it hard to speak to any of my other friends, IRL and at Babble and everywhere really. I’m not angry at her, but I’m afraid that she (or anyone else) might hurt me very badly. I don’t think she realises I’m avoiding her; she’s very busy and has called me a couple of times and left a message, but she knows I’m crap at returning phone calls. I hope she doesn’t realise I’m avoiding her, but she has no reason to suspect that I might be. I guess I worry that if she could hurt me (and she knows me very well), maybe other people could hurt me too.
>
> After the argument I cut myself quite a bit… more than before. And I realised that she didn’t mean to hurt me, but that I over-react and feel terribly hurt at things that are really quite trivial. But because I find it so difficult to control the impulse to hurt myself, it’s easier for me to close myself down and to avoid human contact. It’s silly, really; and irrational. But I often feel overwhelmed by contact with people when I’m depressed.
>
> I don’t want to withdraw, but I feel so unsafe and so out of control. I never know how I’m going to react to anything, and I’m trying so hard not to cut myself. Some of the cuts from last month still haven’t healed. And my therapist is so distant at the moment… Well, that’s a whole other topic!
>
> Thanks for your thoughts!
>
> Tamar
>
>
---------------Orchid
Truth is, it is not guaranteed in this world that no one will hurt us. Everyone will - at some point or the other whether voluntarily or involuntarily (like by dying etc). That is how God made this world. So, if we become prone to too much of hurting ourselves when others hurt us, then that becomes a never ending issue. Isn't that why people who get abused suffer for lifelong while the abusers lead a happy life? People who get hurt by others end up magnifying their hurt by hurting themselves. And the reality is, it is only misdirected anger. Depression is nothing but misdirected anger. As soon as you realize that the anger belongs to the person who hurts you, and you call them names and vent out your anger ONTO them, you will feel better about yourself. (of course with discretion). The key is realizing that the culprit is them, and not you or your body. And taking it out on your body, is doing even more injustice to yourself. The way I thought of it was, if God would not like me inflicting pain on another human being, he certainly wouldn't like it even more me inflicting pain on the body and mind that He gave in the care of myself. Your body and your mind are just as worthy of being not hurt as anyone else on this planet is. As you wouldn't throw a stone or cut a dog, you shouldn't cut your body which God gave you to take care of too.I know it is hard, but there are certain things which we have to stop ourselves from doing, by taking control of it from our mind. Even if our emotions cry for it, it is a good idea to say a strict no to self hurting, and find some other way to let the anger out. You can even buy a punching bag and punch it. Or write journals. Or walk till you get tired. Whatever which you can do, but without hurting yourself will be justified.
Another thing that might help is, everytime you feel the intense desire to cut - postpone it for just 10 minutes, write a post in babble, and then wait till someone responds to you. And then if you wish, you cut (only initially till you practice). And then slowly increase the length of time - wait 20 mins, wait 30 mins etc. Or just simply set aside a time of day (like you will cut only in one set aside half hour in a day - like 11:00 am to 11:15 am) and if you have the urge to cut yourself in the other times, then force yourself to wait till you reach the next day that time. It is just like an addiction, and can be dealt with.
---Hugs to you
Orchid.
poster:orchid
thread:647444
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/648636.html