Posted by Daisym on March 14, 2007, at 1:25:25
In reply to Re: Looking into the Abyss » Daisym, posted by Dinah on March 13, 2007, at 19:27:50
Maybe that is the answer -- I'm sure it is at least part of it. He often says, "it isn't what I say to you" but I remind him to say it anyway because my head needs to hear it, whatever "it" is at the moment.
But I think there is another voice that says caring about him this much is WRONG...(and stupid and presumptuous)not only because he is my therapist but because he is MARRIED (for gosh sakes!) and it just isn't right to have such intense feelings for a married man. So maybe the person I need permission from is his wife?
It is so confusing. Because intellectually I know that the therapy space is safe for any and all feelings - having them isn't acting on them. I can even go as far as to analyze the whole thing - I recognize that I was very worried that my mom would find out about what was going on between me and my dad and be angry at me. I was sure that she'd blame me and very bad things would happen. I can see how I'm worried that my therapist's wife might get angry if she becomes aware of my feelings for him. If she is angry enough, maybe he'll have to stop working with me. This isn't meant to imply that I think he has feelings for me, actually the opposite. But my need for contact with him scares me and I feel it must annoy the crud out of her.
He says I'm projecting all of this. And I can agree that it comes from an old, scared place. But knowing that doesn't turn the feelings off nor does it help me feel less anxious about it all. I desperately want it to be OK for me to be attached to him. It is just really hard.
poster:Daisym
thread:740611
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/740894.html