Posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 18:19:43
In reply to Re: a newbie in love » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 17:42:06
i understand completely. i have a pdoc as well that i have seen for years and he recently reminded me it took a couple of years for me to trust him. i love my pdoc to detah, just like i love my friends.. nothing more. i feel *completely* safe and accepted with this T. i am consumed with him.
no, at first i did not know, and i did not have a choice in who to see. That part is complicated, it's all about agencies and low-cost services, etc. But i knew i would be focussed on it ending if i didn't ask, so i did. He told me straight away then that he might have to leave but i stayed with him anyway. i honestly thought all i needed was some brief support while i ended my BF relationship. i didn't understand even what a mess that was going to be.
i think we both thought it wouldn't be an issue. Then i just fell head over heels. Just by listening, caring and not yelling at me he is meeting more of my needs than my long term BF has. I am not afraid of him like i am with my BF.
i loved my bf and when he started abusing me verbally, emotionally and mentally i tried harder and harder to please him and became stuck in the patterns that go with all of that. Leaving my BF is not the same as if he had never abused me.. trust me. I really needed a stable caring person who was unbiased to turn to.
now, with him leaving it has intensified the love feelings as i equate losing him with losing the abuser i try so hard to please. i'm like a abused dog that crawl's back to it's owners feet.
so not only do i need to deal with the crumbling relationship with my BF but also the one person i have felet cared for by. it has resulted in me clinging even harder to my BF.
i worry about my sanity and my safety. Not in an immediate way, but in the long run.
poster:gazo
thread:742197
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/742241.html