Posted by DAisym on July 17, 2007, at 19:19:36
In reply to Re: Needs, wants.....bleck » DAisym, posted by JoniS on July 16, 2007, at 21:11:07
I can hear the pain and longing in your post. It all sounds very difficult and I'm sorry you were hurt by your husband. You are brave to keep working on it, you must love him very much.
Perhaps we are most vulnerable to these intense longings when our therapists do "match" us to some degree. I know enough about my therapist to know that we like many of the same things, but I don't know enough about what our differences are to know if I could tolerate those. What if he likes to camp?! (shudder)
I always think of the part of "In Session" where she describes it as a set up - professionally having your heart broken. Good therapy happens when there is a strong connection and trust but no one treats the side effects. We all need Therapy for therapy, I think as Tender said. I guess that is what Babble is to me.
Yesterday I told him what I wrote here about having someone say the exact right thing and the exact right moment and how profound that experience is. I also said that there were times when I wish I didn't know what that felt like. He said, "do you really wish that? Would it be better if I couldn't do that for you?" I said probably not, that I cherished those moments. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like a tease. I told him I blamed him for allowing me to remember and talk about all the hard stuff and for allowing all this neediness AND for being so da*n nice about it all the time! He asked me if I preferred that he was an a&&h*le about it...I told him he didn't have it in him. Now that was a discussion!
I'm glad you have a therapist you can be candid with. It really does help. Thank you for sharing your experience. And you really didn't have to stop. Sometimes it helps to get it all down and out here.
poster:DAisym
thread:766025
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770197.html