Posted by OzLand on July 20, 2007, at 20:46:14
In reply to Re: The too good T is too smart too; darn (trigger » OzLand, posted by DAisym on July 19, 2007, at 23:06:13
Thanks for your response. I start to get anxious just thinking about going back to therapy and talking about this stuff. I emailed my therapist who is out of town again so we only met once, but I emailed him that I almost had to make myself vomit after we last met because of how his comments about my feeling like he was trying to tell me what to do with myself was like "inserting" himself in me really restonated with me. I felt all the stuff from before when I was being abused. AGH.
I thought I was going to gag, and so I told him I almost made myself vomit, and he should know I used to do that. I should show him some of the pictures of me when I was in high school even and also for a time after I got married. I look like someone from the concentration camps, at least in high school and for some time later. Now I look like the bloob. But making myself vomit again is not the answer to losing weight.
I am extremely ambivalent about this whole process, and part of me thinks it would be better if I was not working. How do I go to work after a session. The only saving grace is that I take the Metra to the appointment and then to work, and so I have an hour to try to get my sh*t together. Plus, he helps with that toward the end of the session. My T keeps mentioning my ambivalence, and I want to say shut up to him, but I smile and say, "I know." He was glad I finally was able to say to him that I was upset/annoyed/angry with him and actually praised me for it. He knows my last T/pdoc would get angry with me if I expressed any anger. So, I stuffed my anger before, and that used to be fairly common for me.
I guess I am rambling here just like I start to do in therapy, and then I am stopped dead in my tracks with this, "What's going on xxx?" The shrink if being outsmarted by the shrink, and actually I am glad as he would not be able to help me otherwise. My last T I don't think was as smart as me about therapy, but of course he was smarter than me about a lot of things. What I needed was someone who was smarter than me.
Even the ECT doc commented on my intelligence when he said I could lose 30 IQ points and still be smarter than xxx. He named a big name public figure, and so I don't want to say. He was saying this in terms of research on cognitive reserve and ECT and how the smarter one is, the less the loss of IQ points will be noticed by others. What a bunch of crap. I still have wordfinding difficulties and feel sometimes like I am in junior high with my vocabulary. I hate them for what they did to me with the ECT. I was told the nurse would get together my records and send to me (ECT doc said this). Fat chance this will happen. That was three weeks ago.
I asked for my records from the hospital three months ago, and I got the discharge summary done by the resident. I almost freaked; no I did freak as it was so full of errors, and I mean big errors. He said stuff about my history,etc. that is so wrong and so awful, that I wrote to the ECT doc and doc who is head of inpatient treatment. The ECT doc said I can get the discharge summary changed to be accurate if I want, and I never responded as I was going through stuff at work. I think I will tell him I want it changed. I can never recommend that psych unit ever to anyone.
Okay, so I am still rambling. Sorry everyone. I do that when I start to get uptight and nervous which I am at the prospect of therapy next week.
poster:OzLand
thread:770435
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770806.html