Posted by slugdoo on July 21, 2007, at 21:58:23
I guess my name should be trigger because it seem like all my post have been triggers lately.
Growing up do you remember feeling so lonely and unloved that you wanted to run away or die? Just like you didn't matter to anyone ever. I remember feeling that at even 4 or 5.
Now I feel the same because I feel unwanted by others and feel like nobody really cares about me. I feel so alone going through all of these memories. I just want to cry on someone's shoulder but I don't know anyone well enough to do that.I have read some more books.
Emotional Healing by David Grand. More about EMDR, from a psychanaylist view. Good stories in there, don't agree with the warp speed of healing though. But he explains on why you shouldn't do EMDR on yourself.
Bipolar Kids by Rosalie Greenburg
Interesting book about kids with this disorder. I think maybe my brother had this and not just ADHD. Good point about actually talking to the child what is wrong and not just the parents because kids are usually very to the point and truthful. My T is reading this book too.
It's a new one.I am part way throught Facing the Wolf-Inside the process of deep feeling therapy by Theresa Sheppard Alexander. Very had book to read because I am in tears for most of it. It has to deal with adults who were abused as adults and how we weren't allowed to feel. This kind of therapy lets that happen, lets down the defensess that have been built up. The therapist talks about her own story and her clients stories too. Some of the stories I can relate to so much it is difficult to read.
I guess I am on a reading kick lately. I guess I am trying to keep my mind busy, but all I can do is think about the memories. They are losing their intensitiy. I don't know if it is because I am self-flooding myself and they are losing their power, or if I am pushing down the feelings from the memories. I have some weird memories that I am not sure what the signifigance is .
One I remember spending the night with a friend(2nd grade) and she had all this different stuff in her house. I found out later she was Jewish and my parents wouldn't let me spend the night with her again.
Then another memory same time period. I had another friend who I spent the night with over New Years Eve. Well that night we did an all night skate and when they blew a whistle on the slow songs, we were suppose to kiss each other. Well my friend was doing this, kissing on the lips and everything. And I remember her purposely showing her dad this, telling him to look. That was kinda of weird, especially at 2nd grade. When my parents found out that I spent the night with a divorsed dad, I wasn't allowed to spend the night with this friend either.
I am not sure if any of this means anything or is just a memory of nothing really.Plus I am having some very sexual dreams, but they do feel good, not like a bad dream. But they seem VERY real to me. I don't know any of the men though.
poster:slugdoo
thread:771060
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/771060.html