Posted by Lucie Lu on May 29, 2008, at 11:59:30
In reply to impasse in therapy?, posted by Lucie Lu on May 28, 2008, at 19:43:12
I really appreciate the thoughtful emails from you all. They have helped me to crystallize my feelings. My T and I are meeting this afternoon (normally 2x/week). I missed the last session because of work but the session before, I felt more upset than ever and we haven't talked about that yet. I am writing things down, as well as using these posts, in the hopes of being able to articulate feelings that have been there underground for months. Something Dinah wrote about sharing himself being hard for her T sounded similar. I have been trying to tell him that I need to "experience him experiencing me." He tries but it is obviously not a familiar mode for him, and our history is complicated in that area (has included a strong positive TF from me, part maternal, part M/F). He is frustrated because he feels that no matter how much he tries to show me his depth of caring, I can't seem to feel it so it never seems to be enough. Given my ACOA history, I need to feel that someone is really seeing me for who I am and not just looking through me or past me. The crux is, how can this be done between us? But I think I've contributed to this impasse by reverting to compliance to keep the connection safe, and in doing so have sacrificed my own opportunity to grow once we got the immediate trauma work behind us. I still have relational problems, self esteem issues etc to work through and it's hard to do from such a position of dependency. There's going to be a lot to talk about today and I'm pretty nervous that I'm going to blow it or freeze or whatever. Fingers crossed... will let you know how it goes...
poster:Lucie Lu
thread:831752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/831893.html