Posted by muffled on June 6, 2008, at 18:34:09
In reply to Saw T follow up ddnos blah, posted by star008 on June 6, 2008, at 17:44:21
> Thanks to all of you who have been here for me.. I have had so little to give lately but i will try harder to support others too.. sometimes it is hard for me to give what i don't have.
*then don't worry bout it. your time to give will come. No worries.
>I told T i was embarrassed.. he understands but says of course there is no judgement.
*Yeah my oldT was very good about it all, just didn't know what to do to help me.
>I thought about what you said Muffled about seeing a DID T and we talked about that too and decided that if we knew along time ago that I was DID that that would have been the way to go but at this point I don't want to switch T's has never worked with anyone like me so he has to learn. He would have picked up on it years ago if he had experience, i think.
*Ya, my newT notices stuff my oldT never would have noticed. My oldT, once she found out how confusing and how much work it was to learn....I kinda think she lost interest...she semi retired so she didn't wanto get into it. And I was frustrated w/always trying to explain stuff to her. Insiders would not trust her cuz they could tell she wasn't so confident, and then sometimes she would say the dumbest things as far as DD go.
I still email oldT now and again, so its not like she GONE. I could go back, but I would never would cuz there would be no point in continuing with her.>I would like to see a DID T just to see waht it is like to be understood. Sometimes I have to explain too much.
*I only been to the one I didn't like once. Then a free 20 mins plus two 50 min appts with newT. But DAMN, I can't tell you, its indescribable to be with a T that considers all this stuff NORMAL, and just takes it utterly for granted, and knows to change tack as switches happen, and to ground when neccessary. I don't have to goto T to teach HER, she helps me understand myself. Its HUGE. On another site there is a lady who has reg T who she is bonded with, but she does do phone consults w/DD T to get more info. She has no DD T near her.
Its just DD's are SO crazymaking at best....it takes real knowing to try and sort thru the people. There's ongoing conflicts and probs with trust. DD T's IF they any good, know how to work thru this stuff. NOT all DD T's are good.
>This time was hard too and I stayed up all nite afterwards and ended up cutting by morning., (that is not something I do). I was just so sad or something??*Yeah...even w/DD T I do that, stuff gets all churned up.
>I switched rapidly all through the session.. I don't think he noticed except for the really obvious one. I feel sucdh resistance even to working on things and getting better,.
*See that IT exactly, PARTS resist. Oh it is SO confusing, my newT said parts of me want to be here and get help, but other parts do not.
>Does that makes sense?? I want to sabatage everything. Myabe an ikid?? I don't know.. It su*ks and I am confused.. I am okay today but don't know waht to do when I get stuck after sessions in one of my ikids..
*What you say makes TOTAL sense. Even nonDID people will sabotage their therapy. Just with DD's its more convuluted and confusing and the resistance is harder to source. But it CAN be done. You can find and get to know parts and get them to work more together. Find out why parts are causing probs and maybe find ways to better meet their needs.
Its just with regT they will approach "you" and talk to "you" and then other parts get pissed off and feel left out, then switchy, anger, confusion, fighting inside.
We worked on what grounds me most on last session. I said my IRL kids. T said keep a pic of them to look at.
T SHOULD be leaving 10-15 mins at end of session to ensure that you are back in a mode that is OK w/you. If you are in a kid, maybe he can try and talk to the kid and get them to goto a safe place inside(I have a sandbox). Sometimes that has worked for me. Mostly, just getting into a basic non threatening adult type conversation will bring me back. T can ask bout kids, or work, or ask bout house or whatever.
These are things that work for me.
Sometimes I do not drive right after sessions if I feel not right. I will go for a walk, or sleep in car(or hide in T's hallway!!!LOL!) until I feel OK to drive.
I know its hard to even uimagine having a new T. I couldn't before, but once I realize DD and that T was NOT workiing on learning fast enuf, I became very frustrated and wanted to find DD T. Like I say, maybe you and T can just consult TOGETHER. You not leaving T, but you are having a chance to experience a DD T in a safe way. Even if you just went 1x/mo, even on your own, just to touch base w/DD T, but still goto oldT, that would proly be OK, cuz you'd want to know DD T was OK first anyways. All T's are so NOT created equal. Maybe you could ask your T bout this sort of thing? and he could help you find some DD T's to try out? Just as an adjunct to your present therapy? Its just SO nice to be understood. But I just beginning, maybe I will not like it, I dunno. Don't think I got a whole lot of choice. Its hard though.
Are your AD's working for you?
I am going to get seroquel(AAP) cuz I not gonna get thru this therapy w/o SOMEthing I think. I get it next week I think.
Take good care, goto go.
M
poster:muffled
thread:833334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/833349.html