Posted by Lemonaide on July 31, 2008, at 16:04:15
In reply to I talked to my T on the phone, posted by Lemonaide on July 29, 2008, at 17:47:18
Well him thinking over everything, he still believes that meeting with my old T will have the very real potential of exploding, and causing more harm than what will be helpful. He believes the risk is just too great for me and all strong feeling I have. He said I have reason to have them, but my old T is very protective of his ego and would likely become defensive. I have to admit he is right about that, I have seen it during sessions before.
I protested for awhile, explaining the reason I had for wanting to see him face to face. But the more I thought about it, I had to admit my T was probably right, I will not get what I want out of the session. My T will even be more guarded especially since I mentioned a seeing a lawyer. He had good reason to be scared, really. But that isn't me, I am not going to do that. I believe deep in my heart that he didn't mean to hurt me, even though that is what happened. He isn't a bad guy, he just got made some mistakes because of the intense feelings on both sides, and it ended badly.
My T believes he can help me through this. I am willing to do whatever, I need to get through this anger, this pain, and sense of lose the runs deep.I told my T that I would go along with what he thinks is best, because I trust he knows. I have to believe this, because I haven't done such a great job in my life and have made so many mistakes. We have a good relationship and I am so glad, he is so honest with me even when he didn't have to be. I have a good T now, I feel I can finally maybe resolve so many issues that have plagued my life with his help. I am even more willing now, I feel overconfident of of his experience and his warmness.
At the end of this teary eyed session, I held out my hand to shake his, he shook my extended hand and covered it with it his other hand and looked at me like he was happy to do so.I am still feeling so emotional, on the verge of tears. But you know what, I feel my relationship with my old T is truly over now and maybe it is because I am giving my trust to my T.
I called and left a message with him(old T) to say I was sorry I said I was going to talk to a lawyer, I have no plans on doing that, I told him we will not be meeting because my T believes it wouldn't be good idea for any of us. Then I asked him to please keep his boundaries that he said he follows in public. I said please don't start contact with me, I don't mind saying hi if say it first, but please let me have my privacy.
It is over, it is time to move on. I still have these feelings that need to be worked out in therapy, but I truly know now that it is over. ;(
I think I need a nap. I think I need a while to grieve. It feels like my old T is dead now.
poster:Lemonaide
thread:842902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843304.html