Posted by LadyBug on July 31, 2008, at 23:23:22
In reply to Received another letter from my T today~~trigger., posted by LadyBug on July 30, 2008, at 23:03:56
I sent my T another letter a few weeks ago.
I expressed to her that I didn't want my therapy to end in the way that is has and that it would affect me in a negative way for the rest of my life if I didn't have closure. I said I missed her but was afraid if I saw her she would hurt me more. I asked her why she turned on my at the lowest and darkest time in my life. I was already heartbroken and so low I couldn't sink any lower.
I told her she got her way in the end. She won. I haven't left her any voice mails and I was standing on my own without her help. I also said that what I need help with now is the pain she inflicted upon me when I was already low.
I also thanked her for letting me know of her upcoming absences and of her retirement and I offered my sincere congratulations to her.
Ok, I didn't expect to hear from her at all. But I did get a short note in the mail yesterday.
The bottom line is she said she had gotten my letter expressing my conflict of feelings about what to do about therapy. She also mentioned my ambivalence about being hurt more if I did see her.Her responce to me was;
"As with life, there is both good and bad in therapy.
I am hear to see you if you'd like to make an appointment until the end of the year."
I've thought all day about this and what my feelings are. I could just say, screw it, and never go back and never contact her again. Or I could write her another letter and tell her EXACTLY why she hurt me and how it made me feel, then make an appointment and go see her. Do I want to see her one time, or more??????I've thought of a parting gift to give to her,(if I was to go see her) she doesn't accept gifts but maybe she would because of the circumstances.
I found a neat pendant online with some real flowers inside a crystal thing. They are "Forget Me Not" flowers. I could have a card made to match it and write in it something about our work together etc. I could choose to have a message put on the pendant, or just leave it plain. Her name, or something like "I will forget you not"
I don't know. Why and I trying to be nice to her after what she did to me????????? Why do I even want to be the one to be nice when she hasn't even so much as apologized in any sort of way. In her eyes, she did nothing wrong!!!! Of course not, I'm always wrong, she's always got it figured out and she knows everything because she's so smart and trained etc.
Still thinking.................
it helps to type it out and look at it with your thoughts as well.
Thanks
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:843171
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843391.html