Posted by Dinah on August 1, 2008, at 13:39:47
In reply to four weeks off - abandonment *trigger*, posted by backseatdriver on August 1, 2008, at 12:26:33
Well, I certainly don't discount childhood experiences. My parents separated when I was 2 1/2 and brought me to live with my grandparents. My mother left me alone with them for a month while she took care of the practicalities. Then two years later they got back together and ripped me away from my grandmother, who had become my main caretaker while my mother worked. I don't remember much of any of this. Most of my memories start as if I newly hatched literally when we entered the outskirts of New Orleans when I was 4 1/2. Before there are just fragments. After, there are real fairly normal memories.
I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that these early experiences of abandonment (or what would have seemed like abandonment), coupled with my physiology and temperament, led me to be very very sensitive to abandonment issues.
That being said, I'd bite my therapist's head off if he suggested that that was the reason I was upset when he left for a long period of time. He knows he's important to me, that I consider him an important leg on my support stool, and you can't just yank out a leg on a support stool without having some distress. A lot of distress.
Fortunately my therapist knows this. And takes full responsibility. He doesn't discourage me from using him as a support and resource. It would really be awful if he didn't acknowledge that his absence would hurt me.
He might mention the historical parallels later, much later, when the iron was cool and he was back from wherever.
So yes, I do think he's not acknowledging the impact of the here and now relationship.
poster:Dinah
thread:843484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843495.html