Posted by raisinb on August 2, 2008, at 12:15:48
In reply to Re: talking about your childhood in therapy, posted by antigua3 on August 2, 2008, at 10:40:45
Hi antigua--
That's a very thoughtful--and probably accurate--response. You're probably right about the denial. It just seems a futile, endless process to try to reverse something that happened so long ago.Maybe "bored" wasn't the right way to describe it. I think I feel *pressured* when I go in, because I've only got 50-60 minutes (my therapist is nice and lets us run over--but still) to feel better, to process the intense, painful feelings about her. Talking about my childhood feels like a waste of time--a detour from the stuff I desperately need to get out. It's as if I'm feeling restless and anxious and I have only half an hour to exercise--and someone's making me do Tai Chi (if that analogy makes sense :)).
I get the idea of a corrective emotional experience--and I want one very much. I suppose talking about my childhood doesn't feel like the way to get it.
Also, before I finally went into therapy, I spent several years reading books, analyzing myself, journaling, etc. I was so desperate to figure out why I was in so much pain and why my relationships were always so horrible in the same ways. And I did. I figured out all of the childhood origins. But it never did me one bit of good. It never changed a thing, and I think it's because it all happened on a purely intellectual level. My deepest emotions weren't touched. So I am afraid of doing that all over again with my therapist.
How would I like her to handle it? Well, ideally, I'd like to do both--process my feelings about her in detail, then, *later* talk about childhood connections. I just want the first to happen thoroughly before the second begins. And I want to be able to choose the timing and the pacing of how that happens. But it feels like my therapist doesn't trust me to do that. Maybe that is partly what hurts about it.
poster:raisinb
thread:843520
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843678.html