Posted by twinleaf on August 6, 2008, at 12:34:17
In reply to Re: x » Dinah, posted by Lemonaide on August 6, 2008, at 8:45:06
Gosh. So many very, very hard, painful things collapsed on you all at once.
It sounds as if you had important unfinished business with the old T. Even though you were angry at him for having wobbly sexual boundaries, and for acting out some at the gym, he also meant an awful lot to you. I didn't realize how important he still was, even if it was just the belief that he cared about you as a person, and that you and he would occasionally have a warm moment of meeting at the gym in the future.
It's puzzling to me how your present T allowed himself to get so involved in all of this. First, you were going to see the old T on your own; then, all three of you were going to meet, and now there's no meeting. Why is HE telling you that the old T will not be coming to the gym any more? Surely he must realize how devastating and rejecting this information is for you. And why is he using information apparently obtained from the old T in your session?
It's hard to know where to start to straighten this mess out!
Since there's nothing you can do, at least now, to get the positive closure you would like from the old T, I guess it would be smartest to focus on your relationship with your present T. It seems as though the thing that is hurting you the most, and making you so angry about him is that he and the old T have apparently had talks about you that you did not know about; they may even have made decisions together about the meeting that you were unaware of
To resume the really good relationship you have always had, you do need to talk openly and honestly with him- in particular, you need to tell him how angry you are about the things he has done. If you can both deal with that, I bet your relationship can be even better and deeper than it has been. If it were me, I think I'd ask to see him more frequently as you work your way through this, so that you'll have less time between sessions to get into very negative, distorted states of mind about yourself.
As to the old T, at some point you will probably want to find a way to say goodbye. The way things are now- especially because he is quite fearful that you might take him to court- I don't see how you and he could have a good experience together if you met. But it could be a goal for the future, say, a few years from now, when you have made further progress with your therapy. He will need to know you are coming to tell him how much the emotional connection you had meant to you. And you can't mix those positive feelings in together with threats to sue! That is another instance where you will need to work on your anger about how he treated you- but with your present therapist. Not with him.
I know that things are terrible right now- it seems as though both therapists have let you down. I HOPE you will find a way to reinstate the wonderful relationship you have always had with your present T. One way to make a start on that might be to look in the archives and even print out the many posts you have written about him. It always seemed as though you had one of the best client-therapist relationships with him. You felt totally accepted and trusting; you didn't even feel you always needed to look your prettiest. You have shared affection, closeness, humor. Only your present ( justified) anger is preventing you from having all those things again. I think you have always been quite daring and courageous in how you deal with things. I hope I'll read here that you were able to use those wonderful qualities in this situation.
poster:twinleaf
thread:844353
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/844570.html