Posted by seldomseen on September 10, 2008, at 20:49:04
I don't know if I am relieved or mortified. Perhaps a little of both.
For the past month I have been trying to communicate with my therapist that something is terrible wrong with me.
I wasn't saying it, he wasn't getting it and we were just at an impasse.
I literally thought I was going crazy and he was just standing there watching me go.
The grinding, the insomnia, the agitation, the crying. How could my body feel like a lead weight, but constantly have to move.
Today, I sat down and made myself tell him exactly what I was experiencing. Not in terms of the situation around me, but exactly what I was feeling. He finally heard me. We finally connected.
I'm in mixed state bipolar. It's nice to know what it is called, it sucks to be here.
My mom has bipolar and my life with her was not a pretty one. I don't know how I'm going to handle this diagnosis myself. I've seen her decline. Is that in store for me? Am I her?
If you could only see the swath of destruction she leaves behind. Can I change that for myself?
A landmark day. Both good and bad.
Seldom
poster:seldomseen
thread:851419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851419.html