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Maybe CSA trigger*** » stellabystarlight

Posted by antigua3 on September 12, 2008, at 8:47:55

In reply to Re: What's the diff. between 'care for' + 'care about' » antigua3, posted by stellabystarlight on September 11, 2008, at 16:47:37

Oh yes, this mirrors my relationships w/my parents to a T (couldn't resist).

My father is no longer alive, but he was a cold man generally, but he was closer to me than anyone, especially late in his life when he was sick. We had a strong relationship then and I knew he loved and cared for me. I had some CSA memories before he died but hadn't put them together, but after he died it all started to come together. So I have this loving/hating feeling for him that, unfortunately, is overwhelmed by love, which is masking my being able to deal completely with what he did.

This is why I see a male pdoc. We are working on resolving these issues.

My mother is a very loving person, but can cut you off in a second if you cross her. I've never been on the receiving end of that, as some of my siblings have, because I've always been the perfect daughter, once again masking my true feelings of her role in my abuse.

So my T is my mother, and provides all the unconditional warmth and love that I missed out on as a kid due to what was going on and my mother's unavailability basically.

I don't know where this is all headed. They both have different approaches, but for now it works. They need to be melded together for me, and I have to work out the dynamic of my parents through working with them.

I know this is more than you asked, but thanks for giving me an opportunity to think about it more.
antigua

 

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poster:antigua3 thread:851345
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