Posted by wittgensteinz on January 24, 2009, at 7:39:16
In reply to Favorite child, posted by antigua3 on January 23, 2009, at 10:17:05
Just my gut instinct: I don't see how a discussion of 'favouritism' is relevant or useful unless there is a clear inbalance of love and/or an unfairness or inequality in the way you treat your children.
Of course, each of your children is a different person with their own strengths and weaknesses and as a parent you will react differently to each child, so that already makes the question of 'do you have a favourite' very difficult to answer or make sense of (in my view). It seems only a useful question when the parent treats his/her children differently in unfair ways or when one child is being constantly compared to another and not given the freedom to be their own self. To me it sounds like you value your children as individuals, you see their strengths and weaknesses and you love them each just as much. I think that's the best any parent can do for her children and it's something to be proud of. Please don't go into your cave! Be proud! The question from your pdoc seems very loaded and provocative - I'd be angry too if I were asked such a thing (and I don't even have children!).
The reason I write what I do is this: my mother's clear favourite was my brother. I was always compared to him - always told "why don't you do things how X does? He'd never have done what you just did" etc. we were punished differently, spoken about differently to my mother's friends etc. and it was taken to an extreme and was very difficult and confusing for me. My father by contrast could relate better to me but that never prevented him from showing my brother and I the same degree of love. Likewise, he didn't discriminate against my brother (unfortunately he was never able to put us before my mother and that's where he 'failed', but that's a separate matter). I think that's the important difference. Even if you can relate to one child over the other (not saying you do) but that when it comes to love, treatment and valuing the individual these things should be equal.
Witti
poster:wittgensteinz
thread:875590
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090109/msgs/875749.html