Posted by alexandra_k on June 18, 2009, at 13:51:26
In reply to Re: I fired my t, posted by Dinah on June 18, 2009, at 10:49:15
hard to know really
hard to know whether i'm pushing you away.
leaving you with no option but to terminate.
hard to know whether i'm pushing you away unnecessarily.
hard to know whether its time that we both faced up to the fact of the matter.
that you don't really have adequate time for me.
that given that there really is no option but to terminate.
the most humane thing to do longer term anyway.what do you think?
of course from your perspective it is entirely reasonable to see someone once a week.
of course from your perspective it is entirely reasonable to take over a month to get someone scheduled in.
the issue is whether that is adequate for me given my needs.
i know i'm `too demanding' that isn't the issue.
the issue is whether my `making do' with that
is good for me. is not good for me.
i can't tell.
maybe i just need to get over the tantrums.
or maybe the tantrums are telling us that it isn't enough.
of course i'm not at all optimistic that there is something better suited out there.
but how much will i disintegrate with 'making do'
how much will i disintegrate with 'nothing'
and here we are again the catch 22
and of course what will happen is i'll repress the rage
'be good' again
'be good' and repress the hurt
live in my box
at least i get taken out sometimes
what is wrong with me that i can't just be grateful for that
that there was someone willing to take me out at all?
i don't know.
so i guess really it is up to you
because i've done all i can do and now... i just don't know anymore.
_________________
and i'm sure i was interesting enough for a time but you are kind of over me now at any rate. to many demands in the world. i understand. i don't know why i had to be born at all.
_________________
and of course it was the thought that nothing ever would be enough that did it
that is not what you are supposed to express
gratitude, idealization, pleasure
then curl up in the box in a surreptitious way
a quiet way
be quiet with your distress
shut the f*ck up
go the f*ck away
i understand
i understand How Things Are
and of course it is my fault really
because i know all this
and what the f*ck was i doing?
and what the f*ck did i expect?
and there it is really
and there it is
others do so much better at being good
and of course they deserve more than me
and there it is.
________________
________________Hi XXX,
I am so sorry things have come to this point. I do hope you find what you are looking for in a therapist. You have a lot of potential - you are obviously very bright, and you are also deeply feeling. I have confidence in you that you can do medicine if you choose to pursue it (probably most other subjects/professions as well). I wish you much success and happiness in the future. If you change your mind or feel differently in future and would like to see me you would be most welcome.
_______________
What do you think?
> If you change your mind or feel differently in future and would like to see me you would be most welcome.
What the f*ck does that mean?
Given that I just said 'I can't tell what to do right now' and all.
???
Sounds like 'don't come in tomorrow' to me
Sounds... Generic. Sounds like a bag of b*llsh*t.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:900834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/901807.html