Posted by Doo on May 7, 2001, at 23:22:16
In reply to Re: Forgive, O Lord, posted by mila on May 7, 2001, at 20:33:54
> Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
> And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me"
> R.Frost. In the Clearing (1962)
>
> thanks for sharing your experiences, Doo, I certainly understand and appreciate what you are going through.It's good just to read that. I had the wish someone had replied to my message. I appreciate :)
> death anxiety is inversely proportional to life satisfaction. Generally speaking. But it also comes as a heavy addition to mental illness. I hope, and I see that you are able to distinguish between the two, and I am proud of you, you are a fighter. You know what you really want, do you?
It really is a heavy addition, as you put it. I don't see it as a 'pathological process'. But what is more 'pathological' is the way the death wish intrudes my consiousness. I've always had questions in my head, and always felt so unlike the others. Most poeple have a great capacity, which I envy, to push away from their minds all existential questions. I mean I don't want to negate that part of me that has to find a reason to live, that needs also a certain spirituality and humbleness in front of all that I don't understand. I simply would like the tough part to come in small doses, not all at once like it happened to me 5 years ago (because of a bad mushroom trip) and like it happened to me last week. Although it was never as hard as the first time, it was hard, and it still is. I feel alone in my loneliness, and I would like to share it with others who know what I mean.
As for knowing what I want... hmmm I'm currently beginning a therapy, where I'll do all I can to find my way.
> there is nothing special about human life and that is His big one on us. Yet it is special. Not to prove Him wrong, but seeing a joke for what it is - a joke, and smile, clench out teeth, and keep swimming till we reach the safe shore of certainty and self-determination.
>
> love
> milaSelf-determination is a very inspiring word. I guess it is the best weapon against the death wish. Maybe it's the only one?
Thank's a lot for your reply, mila.
Doo
poster:Doo
thread:5880
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010417/msgs/5897.html