Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2013, at 20:18:28
In reply to Re: Not really a distortion Phillipa, posted by 2stressed on May 5, 2013, at 17:35:02
Well....
I suppose that most people engage in relationships that have benefit for them, whether it be emotional needs fulfilled or monetary needs fulfilled or physical needs fulfilled.
I think the important thing in this to note is that emotional needs aren't being fulfilled for some reason. Again, I'm not blaming anyone. It has just happened.
Instead of being upset that you believe that the hope of money would cause them to invest time and energy in the relationship - which may or may not be true - perhaps the important thing to concentrate on is that it would appear right now that the cost of their relationship exceeds the benefits of the relationship. And the answer isn't to win the lottery, but to try to come to a conversation about what it would take to reduce the emotional cost, or what it would take to increase the emotional benefit.
People tend to avoid what hurts, and that may be feelings that come from the interaction or feelings that come from guilt at previous avoidance or whatever. It's hard to tell.
Again, this is all too complex to be solved by someone involved in the situation. If not a therapist, then at least a detached other needs to be involved in the situation.
poster:Dinah
thread:1042531
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130409/msgs/1043255.html