Posted by BarbaraCat on September 6, 2003, at 15:34:55
In reply to Vicodin and Everything Is AOK........., posted by galkeepinon on September 4, 2003, at 22:57:11
Hi Gal,
Here we are in a new land on this board. Oh, yes. Vicodin, yummmmm! For many years I'd have 1/2 pill every night with at least 1/2 bottle chardonnay (wellll, it got to be more like 1-1/2 pills and a whole bottle of chardonnay). This was my treat for the day. It did not stone me out at all, but gave me energy, focus and merriment. I enjoyed everything better. Definitely the focus. Parties were always so much more interesting on my little pick me up. I was interested in conversations, was relaxed, warm and charming. Loved that inner glow.I could be depressed, grouchy, whatever but could always rely on feeling better with Vicodin. Not alone, always with wine. The wine seemed to potentiate it, both together feeling like a different drug altogether. It's got to be the dopamine that my brain craves cause it sure likes those kind of things and the tipoff is the euphoria that's focussed and directed at the same time. Interestingly, without the Vicodin, if I had too much wine I could get manic. The Vic kept me grounded and relaxed.
I never abused it past 2-3 pills very infrequently. But I still felt I was doing something wrong, the next day I'd always think 'I know this is an immediate pleasure, but not a good thing for me'. But I'd always succumb whenever I had it because the pull towards that pleasure was too tempting. I always had a supply around for one reason or other. One starts to manufacture 'accidents' to get some more. A woman I know confessed that she once rode her bike off a cliff to get some.
The other thing, and the main thing that stopped it, was the stomach pain I was getting. After a while this got to be not worth the high. I can't say I went through any withdrawals, just dissapointment that I couldn't get back to that lovely euphoria on my own steam, just can't.
As far as addiction and addictive personalities, I'm reading a really interesting book called "The Heart of Addiction" by Lance Dodes, MD. He stresses the difference between addiction and abuse and says that there is no such thing as an addictive personality and that substance abuse is really a healthy striving of the psyche to dissociate from an intolerable condition, mainly lack of power, anxiety, and a general 'f**ck you, I'll do what I want' attitude. He says that catching yourself in the craving can be an important opportunity to discover some deep seated issues which when worked through give abstaining a much better chance for success through understanding the powerful drives involved. I sure discovered a very powerful realization about why I always crave a drink right around 5:00pm through working with this. It knocked my socks off and since then when this craving arises, I understand it and don't have the compulsion to give into it. It's still tempting, but each time it arises, I'm getting better at discovering more about my driving issues and why I don't need the substance to displace it. The curiosity is becoming more alluring than the substance. I'm finding it more helpful than anything I've read/done to quit my substance abuse. But ohhhh, Vicodin, I'll always have special place for you in my heart ... - Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:257135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20030903/msgs/257620.html