Posted by muffled on September 8, 2005, at 22:02:02
In reply to Re: B.S amd more B..S., posted by Ilene on September 7, 2005, at 22:31:17
I'm a christian, but couldn't do A.A. Just brought me down. Was a bit of a meatmarket too. I been sober for mebbe 10 or so years, not counting really. Haven't drank since I had kids.I did govt. alcohol counselling, I did the antabuse thing ( got SOOOOOOO sick), but just figgered ways around that. Did treatment center, was good, educational about all that denial stuff. But what REALLY happened, and I don't to this day really know why, is that alcohol just stopped working. SH*T. Beleive me, I tried EVERYTHING you could poss. think of.EVERYTHING. I was finally hospitalized when I was gonna blow my head off cuz I didn't wanto live w/o booze. It was EVERYTHING to me. My LIFE.Freaking stuff bailed on me. I still struggle. I still feel sometimes like I been punched in the gut , with the WANTING. But if I drink, I lose my kids. GUARANTEED. So, somehow I don't.I love my kids, even more than alcohol(if it worked anymore-no way of finding out). I dream of being an old drunk lady, and I'll drink myself to death when I'm old. That is my dream. Mebbe it will work for me again after that many years. I'm such a f*cking nut. But SOMEONE is watching out for me. My higher power perhaps? I have no explanation.
poster:muffled
thread:550821
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050722/msgs/552493.html