Posted by NikkiT2 on January 15, 2006, at 14:03:32
Still not smoking.. 2 weeks tomorrow.
But damn. The urges have mainly passed. I went out wednesday night with two friends who are smokers, and it was fine.. I did fancy a ciggie with them, but I didn't *need* one..
But.. but.. my sleep is not settling down. I am having *horrible* dreams when I do sleep, and only really getting about 3 hours of nearly decent sleep anight. The lack of sleep, conbined with how horrible the dreams are are causing me to sink.. and I'm sinking fast. I am getting more and more depressed.. I'm finding work almost impossible - but because its "only cigarettes" I have given up, I'm receiving very little support (considering I work in a drug service, this is rather annoying).
I'm trying to do things to reward myself, and cheer myself up.. but most of those things are simply making me feel worse. I'm buying a car (nothing special, just a 5 year old or so used one), but thats making me so stressed out its unbelievable.. EVERYONE has their opinions, and not just "reccomendations", but "you musts".. my mum says I mustn't buy in London and must buy in her area - which in one way is sensible, as they are a bit cheaper and being a small town, less likely to be ripped off - but its also 2 hours away and as I don't have a car at the moment, is public transport which I am having real problems with. Also it means seeing her partner who I am growing to hate more and more each time I visit.
Oh.. I want this over. I want to take a magic pill that stops it all. I don't want to go to work tomorrow (tomorrow I *have* to.. but the rest of the week I don't want to).. I want a lovely car to just turn up and remove the hassle of finding one.. and most of all.. I WANT TO SLEEP.. and when i do sleep, I don't want my friends dying, london blowing up, my husband having affairs etc etc..
I'm hating this. Hating.
Nikki xx
poster:NikkiT2
thread:599325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20051211/msgs/599325.html