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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on March 3, 2004, at 20:13:29
she gave me this chart to fill out when i have the urge to cut. so i filled it out. when i saw her this week, she asked me about it, and then demanded to see it. i wrote on the chart that i wanted to cut because i knew she didn't want me to and that i enjoyed the negative attention. that made her laugh, but she also then said she wasn't going to respond because it was clear that her responses were encouraging me to engage in the behavior. she told me to continue with the chart.now when i was doing it, i didn't know she was going to be reading it so i put some really honest, embarrassing stuff in there. her demanding to see it both mortified me and kind of turned me on. so now i feel like acting out so i can fill in the chart and get more attention. this seems messed up. i think this chart thing's a bad idea. but so is everything she does it seems. do you think she should just ignore the si'ing? maybe that would be the best strategy.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 22:15:54
In reply to how my t is dealing with my si (caution may trig?), posted by crushedout on March 3, 2004, at 20:13:29
I think YOU may want to seek some positive things from her somewhere in your heart. No T will reinforce negative behaviour. So seek some good stuff ..be the GOOD student so to speak. Do the chart with honesty and hard or not tell the truth...expect no response when she reads it..inside she has reactions why not shoot for some GOOD ones..Like WOW..I am proud she held off and wrote something instead or drew a picture..maybe draw that tattoo for her. Hey if you want some internal reactions from her maybe write you didnt want to hurt your pretty self in case she changes her mind someday or something. You seem brave so go for the good and or erotic.
IF I had the guts I would do some writing or tattoo drawings to give to my T
Your ever loopy babbler friend
Fallen
Posted by pegasus on March 4, 2004, at 9:51:53
In reply to how my t is dealing with my si (caution may trig?), posted by crushedout on March 3, 2004, at 20:13:29
Crushed, I'm going to be brutally honest here.
I think your T has done some things that I'm very concerned about. When you wrote about the first time you cut yourself and told her, you said she was very angry. Which seemed to me to be inappropriate. At the time, I thought that she was probably angry because you were hurting yourself in response to how she was handling your therapy, and she knew it. So, that's a pretty clear sign to a therapist that they're doing something wrong. They're not supposed to do things that make their clients develop new self destructive habits. And, they're supposed to be able to handle anything that comes up. I mean, that's kind of their job. If she's having really emotional reactions to you right in your sessions, then it seems like she doesn't have a good handle on her own stuff and it's leaking into your work.
But now, the chart thing, that sounded reasonable to me. Or, at least, it seems like a reasonable thing to have someone with an established SI habit do. I've done it before at the request of my T, and I think the point was supposed to be that I would get a better sense of when/why I hurt myself. But it didn't seem that you really had any trouble understanding your reasons, so I'm not sure what the point of the chart was supposed to be for you. I also don't think she should have "demanded" to see it. It seems like that type of sharing should always be up to you. Otherwise, I would think that therapy could become a not very safe-feeling place.
Crushed, I have to say, also, that I feel a little guilty about you having developed this habit. I'm concerned that you read about some of us here hurting ourselves, and that that gave you the idea. I hope this doesn't become a serious habit for you now. As a coping mechanism, it's pretty extreme, and I wish I'd learned a better one way back when I started. :(
- p
Posted by crushedout on March 4, 2004, at 10:04:17
In reply to Re: how my t is dealing with my si (caution may trig?), posted by pegasus on March 4, 2004, at 9:51:53
thanks for your honesty, pegasus. i agree with you that the chart doesn't make sense for me. i'm not sure if i agree with you about the idea that her getting angry was inappropriate, although i think you may be right that it was partly a response to her feeling guilty for screwing up with me lately. it's not a coincidence that i started doing it the week she told me she was mad at me for needing her, i don't think.as for you feeling guilty, you shouldn't. i have to admit that i think i did get the idea partly from this board, and that's not good. but that can't be anyone's fault. and it's certainly not yours.
Posted by EmmyS on March 4, 2004, at 10:19:38
In reply to Re: how my t is dealing with my si (caution may trig?) » pegasus, posted by crushedout on March 4, 2004, at 10:04:17
I know others have mentioned this, but just a caution about SI....it can be highly addictive. Regardless of why it started, if you keep it up, you may find that it hard to stop - like cigs, or alcohol, or any addictive substance.
The sooner you stop, the better - especially if you have ever had a substance abuse problem in the past. You could simply switch addictions.
Last word...scars. They last. I have patients in their 40's and 50's whose arms are covered with the scars of SI they did in their teens. Lots of regret there. No short sleeve shirts in summer?? Yikes!
Just stop the SI now. Use your WORDS to get your emotions across. You are bright, emotive, and able to express yourself extremely well. Use those abilities to your advantage. Use your strengths. You have many!
Treat yourself with kindness.
Emmy
Posted by crushedout on March 4, 2004, at 10:26:38
In reply to Re: how my t is dealing with my si (caution may trig?), posted by EmmyS on March 4, 2004, at 10:19:38
thanks, emmy. this was all stuff i needed to hear, even though i kinda knew it all already.
Posted by terrics on March 4, 2004, at 15:05:56
In reply to how my t is dealing with my si (caution may trig?), posted by crushedout on March 3, 2004, at 20:13:29
Yep, I think she should ignore it, especially because you admit that you do it for her attention.
Sadly this is a scary way to get attention. There must be something that you can do to get her attention and to help yourself. It seems that you are the stronger of the two and that you do have insight because you are honest about why you do things so you are aware of the other side of the coin. I realize you would have a hard time leaving her, but you just admitted that she does not do anything right. Perhaps you will get strong enough to look elsewhere.
I consider my relationship with my T. an addiction and hope that I get out soon.
Good luck either way. I am worried about you getting scars though. terrics
Posted by crushedout on March 4, 2004, at 18:52:22
In reply to Re: how my t is dealing with my si (caution may trig?) » crushedout, posted by terrics on March 4, 2004, at 15:05:56
i didn't mean to suggest she doesn't do anything right (i definitely don't think that's true) -- just that no matter how she responds to my s.i., it seems it will only encourage it, i.e., in this circumstance, she can't win. that's why i think she should ignore it. she said she won't do that, though. which makes me happy.
This is the end of the thread.
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