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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:26:16
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » happyflower, posted by daisym on December 28, 2005, at 14:29:16
There isn't an elephant in the room anymore, just a jack *ss, and I am not sure if it is me or him. My headache feels like a hangover.
Posted by annierose on December 28, 2005, at 15:58:49
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » daisym, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:26:16
Sorry it was a bad session. It's so difficult when it happens because it's not a regular relationship where we have access to the other person to call and have a cup of coffee to figure out what happened.
Did he call you back? Unless I asked my T to specifically to call me, she does not. So if I am upset, I do ask for her to call because it's so hard to sit on those feelings, especially for two weeks. I like what you said on your message. It sounds like he didn't want to go to work today ... well that's not your problem.
Regardless, do not cancel your next appointment. You will not be punishing him, just frustrating yourself.
Keep us posted.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 28, 2005, at 16:21:55
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
I think you should keep the next appointment. I'm not sure why there was discussion about the cost vs. benefits of therapy. Who brought that up?
I'm sorry you're hurting, it's a very vulnerable place to be in (the therapy room)
I think you really need to talk to him about how you're feeling, and an appropriate way to proceed. It seems like there's been some indecision about how many times you see him (ex. once a month vs. twice a month)
What's his approach to treatment? what are your goals? etc.I think you need to have a structure so you can comfortably proceed. It's really difficult to deal with strong feelings without some assurance and reliable T presence. "Getting rid of you"? - I don't think so, but you two are not mutually informed perhaps.
I'm sorry happyflower. (((((((happyflower))))))))
Posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 16:30:35
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:13:20
I’m sorry you had a bad session.
Of course, I don’t know why he was grumpy but I’d bet my house it’s nothing to do with you. If he didn’t want to work with you anymore he’d probably be bored rather than grumpy.
I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but when people are grumpy with me I usually assume it’s about me. I guess it’s because of my parents’ grumpiness with me… I tend to take everything personally. But of course when people are very grumpy they’ll take it out on anyone around, even if it’s not about the people they’re actually with. I don’t get grumpy at work much, but when I do it’s almost always because I’m really grumpy at a member of my family (or occasionally if a complete stranger is rude to me).
> When he was scheduling my next appointment, I was having trouble deceiding on when to have my next appointment, I was talking out loud the stuff I had to do, then he said that doesn't help him, do I want 9,10,11, or 2? I thought, gosh arent we cranky today, but I didn't say that, maybe I should have. I just feel like cr*p.
I think that’s an important point. It’s hard to say to a therapist, “Gosh, aren’t we cranky today!” And if you had said it, perhaps he would have stopped to think and apologised. But if we don’t say anything the feelings fester.
If he doesn’t call you back, maybe you could call him again and say you still don’t understand why he was snippy with you but you don’t feel you deserved it and you’re feeling hurt, and ask him to call you back. What do you think?
Tamar
Posted by LadyBug on December 28, 2005, at 16:47:22
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
Yes calling him was the right thing to do. And you might have to call him back and tell him you would like him to return your call. Give him a chance to explain what was happening in the room between the two of you. Remember he's not only a therapist, but he's human too and they have their off moments too. (Dang I wish they were magical and could be super human!) I'm sorry it has to be so hurtful for you. You need to get it worked out and the sooner the better for you. It's not fun to wait it out in pain. At least he knows how you feel and he can try to own his part of it. Keep in touch ok....take care....and keep talking to us.
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 19:19:14
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by LadyBug on December 28, 2005, at 16:47:22
I just don't know about anything anymore. I don't need more problems. Maybe things have gotten too personal and he is trying to redraw up the boundries. I just hate therapy. I don't want to talk to him right now. I don't even want to got to the gym now, because I don't want to see him.
We were even arguing about whether or not he has ever seen me on a treadmill. I said yes you did, he said no I haven't . Why is he trying to disagree with me on everything today? Especially about stuff that shouldn't even matter?
Posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 20:00:49
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 19:19:14
> I just don't know about anything anymore. I don't need more problems. Maybe things have gotten too personal and he is trying to redraw up the boundries. I just hate therapy. I don't want to talk to him right now. I don't even want to got to the gym now, because I don't want to see him.
(((((Happyflower)))))
> We were even arguing about whether or not he has ever seen me on a treadmill. I said yes you did, he said no I haven't . Why is he trying to disagree with me on everything today? Especially about stuff that shouldn't even matter?
Call him and ask him. I know you’d prefer to avoid him, but I really think you need to talk to him and sort it out…
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 20:56:31
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 20:00:49
>
> (((((Happyflower)))))
>
>> Call him and ask him. I know you’d prefer to avoid him, but I really think you need to talk to him and sort it out…
>
Tamar,
I just feel like he won't talk to me on the phone because things like this have gotten worse when we did that because he is cold on the phone. But yet I don't feel like I should have to pay for another appointment either. Today just felt like a power stuggle I think. Maybe I was fighting him too.It started off okay, he even said he thought about me when he didn't see me at the gym last Sat. , because he knew I was at home cooking pounds of sausage. He told me he throw up at on Christmas for the first time in a decade. Well I was talking about me being sick, and he has to talk about himself. I think things have gotten too personal between us because when he acts like an *sshole I get hurt. I did tell him I am having 2nd thoughts about the divorce, but he seemed to agree with my reasoning, but maybe me going in circles is annoying him.
But then again if things weren't personal, I would still feel hurt by the way he was today. I know he has to know it will be uncomfortable at the gym if this waits 2 weeks. We even talked today about how my DH runs from his problems, and I confront them, just like I did with him.I just don't know if things could ever not be personal, it would be hard to go back because we do enjoy each others company.
Today I just felt like I was trash and he was trying to throw me away. I think if he had an appointment he had to get to right after my session, he could of told me that he had to leave right after our appointment. He didn't have to get mean about it.
I guess I made the first move by calling him and telling him how he made me feel today. The ball is in his court I think. If doesn't call I guess I could just dump a bottle of cold water on his head at the gym. How about that? LOL I got a new water bottle that can squirt water, maybe get him good as he jogs by and trys to ignore me! Ha! He shouldn't mess with this happyflower. Okay I need to get to bed now. Thanks for you support. I am exhausted.
Posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » Tamar, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 20:56:31
Hi Happyflower - I am a lurker here, I've posted before but it has been a long while & I doubt if anyone remembers me.
Anyway, I've been following your posts a bit. I thought I'd add that I have worked for a T for the past 5 years. I've noticed over the years that whenever he lets lines blur with clients, which he definitely has a tendency to do, at some point he always institutes a "crack down" of sorts. Since your T has been flirting with you & such, he may be trying to institute some more "discipline" (for lack of a better word) to the therapy relationship. Sadly, it is because of his own misjudgements but it comes across as a punishment to you. Which understandably is confusing.
So I guess what I'm attempting to say is if he is trying to be more formal about things again...try not to feel like you are the one to blame because you are not! He may just be feeling extra-aware that he has let things slide a bit. If you have questions or concerns about it, you totally have a right to ask them.
(I'm sure after reading this you can see why I lurk & don't post! Others are much more eloquent then I am!)
Kim
Posted by fairywings on December 29, 2005, at 0:08:04
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
Hi (((hf)))
I'm hoping he was just having a bad day, and that he was cranky with you. But he shouldn't be since you're paying big bucks. If he has an issue and it's going to affect your therapy, he needs to just spit it out. Maybe write it all out, get it out of your system, and then send it in the mail tomorrow. I hope he calls you back, he should since it was obvious you were upset.
Let me know,
fw
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 8:53:56
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » happyflower, posted by fairywings on December 29, 2005, at 0:08:04
He apologized for being abrupt with me yesterday as my session was over. He said some would say he was rude and he didn't didn't mean to be, it had nothing to do with me and it isn't an excuse for his behavior, he was just anxious about his doctors appointment that was after my appointment. He wished me a happy new year and said he would see me in 2 weeks.
I am still upset and sad. So now what was he anxious about, is he dying or something, is something really wrong with him or with someone else in his family? I guess I shouldn't care after all it isn't any of my business.
Posted by daisym on December 29, 2005, at 10:53:48
In reply to He called and left a message, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 8:53:56
Some people get anxious about being late.
Try not to overthink this. I'm glad he called and apologized. I wish you didn't have to wait two weeks to see him.
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:24:14
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » happyflower, posted by daisym on December 29, 2005, at 10:53:48
> Some people get anxious about being late.
>
> Try not to overthink this. I'm glad he called and apologized. I wish you didn't have to wait two weeks to see him.
>I am surprised he even called, I didn't ask him to and he is normally strict about that. He really hurt my feelings and I still don't want to see him especially at the gym. I hate those type of encounters and I don't want him to look at me.
Plus I am thinking about canceling my appointment. I am just tired of talking about the same old stuff, nothing is changing, I have little control of the bad stuff, so what's the point in paying someone 90 bucks to rehash the same thing over and over again. I will wait to see how I feel in 2 weeks though, maybe I will want to see him again.
I guess I am still a little angry. Would you be or am I overr eacting again? I just feel like he crushed me, stomped on me, and throw me out in the trash. I know he said he was sorry, but he still made me feel like cr*p. :(
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:54:08
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » daisym, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:24:14
I guess I should just let my feelings go and try to forget about it, he has been very gracious when I was a jerk to him, so doesn't he deserve the same back? I hope I will feel better about this in the morning.
Posted by annierose on December 29, 2005, at 14:04:48
In reply to Re: He called and left a message, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:54:08
I think a lot of us feel very deeply about our T's. Many reactions we have are stronger than those we experience we other people. We expect them to react in a certain way and when they don't, it shakes our foundation.
That is why I would not cancel my appointment. It is important to talk this out. You will be able to work it out with him. Trust that. Yes, he was short with you. He apologized. He explained why. Some people just don't like doctors, maybe it was for a yucky type of "male" test. He was dreading it, or he didn't want to be late (I know I get very anxious if I feel I'm running late for my T appointment).
And yes, sometimes everything feels better in the morning. I surely hope it will for you. I know that feeling. It's hard to hold onto it.
((((happyflower))))
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:15:36
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » happyflower, posted by annierose on December 29, 2005, at 14:04:48
I called him this afternoon, after doing some reflection, and left him this message.
I said I was surprised that he had called, but I was glad that he did. I told him that he did hurt my feelings but I accept his apology. I told him that he has been very gracious with me when I have said or done something not nice to him, so the least I could do is extend it back to him. I told him that I hope to see you at the gym if not next year. Bye.
I feel better now, and If I do see him before my appointment, at least we both know we talked it out with voice machine tag, but at least the air is somewhat cleared. :) I still might squirt
him with some water at the gym though, just because I am a brat. LOL
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:18:34
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
Thanks Kim, nice to meet ya! :) I am glad you came out of lurker land! Thank you for your support. :)
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:21:25
In reply to I called him, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:15:36
Thanks again everyone for your support. I am sorry I just don't feel up to giving personal replies, I feel really exhausted. It must be my sinus infection or something because I need a nap. :) I feel a little bit better tonight.
Posted by LadyBug on December 29, 2005, at 14:37:41
In reply to I called him, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:15:36
GOOD JOB happyflower!! Isn't it amazing what a voice mail will do for ya? I've done the same thing many times!! It's the best we have until we can go to our next appointment! Even though he was abrupt with you, there's no excuse for him to treat you that way. But they make mistakes too. But their actions multiply in our minds. It's so hard sometimes, like most the time!!!! LOL
Get some rest and get feeling better ok! I've had the flu this week too. Man it's kicked my butt!
Take care and here's a gentle hug for you!!
((((happyflower))))
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 15:53:56
In reply to Re: I called him » happyflower, posted by LadyBug on December 29, 2005, at 14:37:41
Thanks Ladybug! :) Your post made me smile!
It was so hard to call him back especially since he hurt me and all. Normally all my life, when this happens I just want to run away. But I didn't this time, and since I called him back to accept his appolgy, I feel relived and my mind has stoped going in circles.I hope he smiled when he heard the message and I hope he got it before he went home today. I wish I would have also said I hope whatever he is feeling anxious about, I hope all is okay with him, but I was nervous and forgot.
But another weird thing is I called him by his first name for the first time. I guess I am getting used to hearing him calling himself by his first name. We recently casually talked about what I could call him, because I call him Dr. B-, and his voice mail says Dr. B-. But when he leaves messages he says his first name. He told me I could call him a shorten version of his first name, but that just sounds to weird to me so I call him by his full first name that is on his business card. At least I did this one time, um, it was wierd. I guess it is okay our 1 yr. anniversary is next week, but what a ride this year has been!
Posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:45:24
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
>>(I'm sure after reading this you can see why I lurk & don't post! Others are much more eloquent then I am!)<<
Not true, Kim, not at all.
And I definitely remember you :-)
With your position/job, you have such a unique perspective. I can think of several T's-in-training, and we've recently had the SO of a T. (pdoc, I think?), but no one who sees things quite from where you "sit,", so to speak. (And, BTW....I want your job....but that's a whole other story....)
Not to mention being so kind and sensitive here!
So it would quite lovely if you posted more often.
There better never be any 'eloquence measurement' for posting applied around here....or I'll be failing it regularly! lol.
Truly hope to *see* more of you :-)
Posted by Dinah on December 29, 2005, at 23:47:20
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » tryingtobewise, posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:45:24
Posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:52:38
In reply to I agree completely with (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on December 29, 2005, at 23:47:20
Posted by tryingtobewise on December 30, 2005, at 0:45:57
In reply to Thx, D. That's special in itself :-) (nm) » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:52:38
Thank you for the warm welcome (back)! I appreciate it! In addition to working for a T, I see a psychiatrist for therapy/med mananagement. I think the last time I posted I was freaking out because she moved her office to the building adjacent to ours in the small office park I work in. Felt a little too close to home & like my privacy would be compromised. Fortunately (and strangely), I have never run into her. It is very weird to just have to take a few steps across a parking lot to get from my work to therapy!
:) Kim
Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 9:46:58
In reply to To Happy, Dinah, and 10derHeart, posted by tryingtobewise on December 30, 2005, at 0:45:57
I do remember. :)
I'm glad it worked out well for you. And I hope you stick around.
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