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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 27 to 51 of 51. Go back in thread:
Posted by LadyBug on December 29, 2005, at 14:37:41
In reply to I called him, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:15:36
GOOD JOB happyflower!! Isn't it amazing what a voice mail will do for ya? I've done the same thing many times!! It's the best we have until we can go to our next appointment! Even though he was abrupt with you, there's no excuse for him to treat you that way. But they make mistakes too. But their actions multiply in our minds. It's so hard sometimes, like most the time!!!! LOL
Get some rest and get feeling better ok! I've had the flu this week too. Man it's kicked my butt!
Take care and here's a gentle hug for you!!
((((happyflower))))
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 15:53:56
In reply to Re: I called him » happyflower, posted by LadyBug on December 29, 2005, at 14:37:41
Thanks Ladybug! :) Your post made me smile!
It was so hard to call him back especially since he hurt me and all. Normally all my life, when this happens I just want to run away. But I didn't this time, and since I called him back to accept his appolgy, I feel relived and my mind has stoped going in circles.I hope he smiled when he heard the message and I hope he got it before he went home today. I wish I would have also said I hope whatever he is feeling anxious about, I hope all is okay with him, but I was nervous and forgot.
But another weird thing is I called him by his first name for the first time. I guess I am getting used to hearing him calling himself by his first name. We recently casually talked about what I could call him, because I call him Dr. B-, and his voice mail says Dr. B-. But when he leaves messages he says his first name. He told me I could call him a shorten version of his first name, but that just sounds to weird to me so I call him by his full first name that is on his business card. At least I did this one time, um, it was wierd. I guess it is okay our 1 yr. anniversary is next week, but what a ride this year has been!
Posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:45:24
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
>>(I'm sure after reading this you can see why I lurk & don't post! Others are much more eloquent then I am!)<<
Not true, Kim, not at all.
And I definitely remember you :-)
With your position/job, you have such a unique perspective. I can think of several T's-in-training, and we've recently had the SO of a T. (pdoc, I think?), but no one who sees things quite from where you "sit,", so to speak. (And, BTW....I want your job....but that's a whole other story....)
Not to mention being so kind and sensitive here!
So it would quite lovely if you posted more often.
There better never be any 'eloquence measurement' for posting applied around here....or I'll be failing it regularly! lol.
Truly hope to *see* more of you :-)
Posted by Dinah on December 29, 2005, at 23:47:20
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » tryingtobewise, posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:45:24
Posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:52:38
In reply to I agree completely with (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on December 29, 2005, at 23:47:20
Posted by tryingtobewise on December 30, 2005, at 0:45:57
In reply to Thx, D. That's special in itself :-) (nm) » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:52:38
Thank you for the warm welcome (back)! I appreciate it! In addition to working for a T, I see a psychiatrist for therapy/med mananagement. I think the last time I posted I was freaking out because she moved her office to the building adjacent to ours in the small office park I work in. Felt a little too close to home & like my privacy would be compromised. Fortunately (and strangely), I have never run into her. It is very weird to just have to take a few steps across a parking lot to get from my work to therapy!
:) Kim
Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 9:46:58
In reply to To Happy, Dinah, and 10derHeart, posted by tryingtobewise on December 30, 2005, at 0:45:57
I do remember. :)
I'm glad it worked out well for you. And I hope you stick around.
Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 9:47:34
In reply to Thx, D. That's special in itself :-) (nm) » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:52:38
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 11:30:08
In reply to Re: I called him » LadyBug, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 15:53:56
I am still a bit shaken. Seeing that cold expression has me scared that I am going to be on the other end of that someday. I know he said it had nothing to do with me, it was his own anxiety about his appointment, but his abruptness really got to me. I don't like that side I saw of him, it is frightening to me.
It makes me wonder if he is being genuine with me or he just faking that he likes to talk to me like a performer fakes a smile to an audience. Is he pretending to like me because it is his job to do so, and when therapy is over, he is going to discard me like a piece of trash and be cold to me if he sees me again. I plan on telling him my thoughts about this, it might be hard for him to hear, because he did mess up, and knowing he hurt me. But then again, does he really care? Or is that fake too? He has never told me he cares? He won't answer those type of questions because I am just a number like every one of his clients.
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
In reply to I have forgiven him but..., posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 11:30:08
Am I overreacting to this situation? Should I just try to forget about it, and not take it too personally? What are your thoughts? I need some advice please. Tell me what you think. Is this transference or they way he acted really was the cause of my hurt feelings? How would you feel if your T did this?
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:25:28
In reply to Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively?, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 15:48:35
In reply to Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively?, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
I get the feeling myself sometimes, after my therapist has done things that make me feel special, then returns to treating me as just one of his clients. Even when I knew that the feeling special wasn't particularly good for me.
It's happened to me with teachers too. I often had "special" relationships with teachers that I enjoyed very much, but that would occasionally earn me a sharp pinch of hurt when they treated me like just another student. As they inevitably did from time to time, no matter how much they enjoyed me at other times.
The boundary bendings feel so good, but it hurts so much when they're put back in place, and we realize who we really are to them. Yeah, they like us. Yeah, they care about us and they want the best for us. Yeah, they might even find us amusing or charming.
But in the end, we're not to them what they are to us. And reminders of that hurt. A lot.
You felt like he was your soul mate. And he did something that soul mates "shouldn't" do. (Though in reality of course they do.)
When it happens to me, I not only am hurt by it, but I hold it tightly to me to protect against hurt next time. I don't know if that's good or bad.
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 16:45:55
In reply to Re: Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively? » happyflower, posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 15:48:35
I still believe he is my soulmate, or one of them that I have had in my life. But yeah, when they treat you special, than poop on you, it feels worse than if they didn't treat you special.
But worse, he did treat me poorly, he even admited it to me and apolozied for it. So he didn't just treat me like a regular client, he did treat me badly, because his stuff got into the therapy room. I guess he is only human, but it still hurts and makes me 2nd guess if our relationship is nothing but fake. (but i guess in my heart, I know he cares and likes me. Just look at what my DH is doing, and he is suppose to love me. So I guess you usually get hurt by the ones you care about, or it wouldn't hurt, right?
Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 17:41:05
In reply to Re: Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively? » Dinah, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 16:45:55
That's true. You can only really be hurt by the people you give the power to hurt you, by caring about them.
Posted by Tamar on December 30, 2005, at 18:25:51
In reply to Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively?, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
> Am I overreacting to this situation? Should I just try to forget about it, and not take it too personally? What are your thoughts? I need some advice please. Tell me what you think. Is this transference or they way he acted really was the cause of my hurt feelings? How would you feel if your T did this?
I don’t know if I’m the right person to answer, because I almost always over-react when I feel hurt. If anyone I care about had said to me, “That doesn’t help me. Do you want 9, 10, 11 or 2?” I would have felt very hurt indeed. If my T had said it I would have been devastated.
But I think after receiving the phone call with the explanation I would probably feel inclined to understand his point of view. I’d feel he was probably telling the truth and was just anxious and didn’t mean to be hurtful.
I think it feels so much worse when people we think of as sensitive are uncharacteristically insensitive. And of course, no one can be sensitive all the time. But I think Dinah’s also right: there’s something in there about not being as special to him as you want to be. And perhaps that’s how you feel with your husband too? So it’s doubly hurtful.
You are special to us. (((((Happyflower)))))
Tamar
Posted by daisym on December 30, 2005, at 19:26:12
In reply to Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively?, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
<<<<<<Am I overreacting to this situation? Should I just try to forget about it, and not take it too personally? What are your thoughts? I need some advice please. Tell me what you think. Is this transference or they way he acted really was the cause of my hurt feelings? How would you feel if your T did this?
>>>>>>I don't like the work overreacting. Your feelings are your feelings and you can't judge how you are reacting against how someone else might have. But the intensity of your reaction is something to look at. Fallsfall helped me recognize transference when she told me that any reaction that feels extreme and out of proportion to the event is probably transference and probably has triggered some old feelings. The classic question is: "can you think of another time(s) when you have felt this way?"I think everyone has said it pretty well -- coming face to face with our status as a client hurts. But that doesn't mean he doesn't genuinely care about you. Haven't you ever been irritated with a friend or someone close to you, just because of what *you* needed to get done, or because you were late? I tend to get short with people when I'm trying to get from my office to the potty and people keep talking to me!
My therapist has hurt my feelings, more than once, in fact. It usually takes me awhile to tell him I'm hurt and I try to take it on myself (I'll think things like "well, I shouldn't have expected x,y or z) or I'll misread a tone of voice or something. I pull back and tend to run from therapy altogether, sort of like you did at the very beginning of this thread. But as painful as these experiences are, I've learned a lot about myself and how I react to people who hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally. I'm betting you will too.
I've decided that therapy relationships are the most complicated, perilous and unpredictible relationships I've ever heard about. So why do we all cling to them so tightly?
Hang in there. You are doing great.
Posted by crazy teresa on December 30, 2005, at 21:56:32
In reply to Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively?, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
It sounds like he was just being a normal, regular guy, which you could interpret as-- he feels comfortable enough with me to show me his real self.
Don't hold it against him. I certainly wouldn't hide from him because HE was a jerk. I'd be more inclined to avoid the gym if I'd been the jerk.
If you want to think positive, I'm still holding out for him to tell you he was going to see the doctor to get Viagra so you two could finally be together...
crazy t
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 22:02:37
In reply to Re: Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively? » happyflower, posted by crazy teresa on December 30, 2005, at 21:56:32
Hey crazy T , your crazy! LOL you made me laugh, thanks, but he wouldn't need any meds for me to turn him on! LOL All I would have to do is talk dirty to him, and he would blush! Can you imagine if I actually touched him. LOL
You are right, though, I think he was at the gym today, but this time i think he was in the pools, cause I think I know which car was his, and I saw it at the parking garage. So he is hiding from me! LOL Maybe he didn't get my message until after this morning. Well when I see him I am going to sqirt him with water, I promise! :)
Posted by crazy teresa on December 30, 2005, at 22:12:02
In reply to T trigger » crazy teresa, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 22:02:37
And I'm sure I know where you'll aim... LOL!
Posted by gardenergirl on December 31, 2005, at 7:27:31
In reply to To Happy, Dinah, and 10derHeart, posted by tryingtobewise on December 30, 2005, at 0:45:57
Posted by gardenergirl on December 31, 2005, at 7:36:46
In reply to Re: T trigger » happyflower, posted by crazy teresa on December 30, 2005, at 22:12:02
Hi Happyflower,
I'm late to this thread, but I wanted to say good for you for following up with this! I hope you are feeling a bit better about things.Just an observation...when my T and I get to the scheduling part, it seems that the therapy is over, and we both sort of shift to "regular people" mode. So I think that might make it "easier" but not right, for him to let his anxiety and crankiness come through.
I also know that as I am walking my clients out the door or as we are scheduling the next appt., particularly if it was not a hugely intense session, or if things had wound down already, I get more relaxed with clients. I suppose I should watch that, but I go into normal GG mode, and maybe wish them a good weekend or something else I might say to a friend or acquaintance versus a client.
Anywho, it sounded like one of those moments to me. It's good for me to hear that this can hurt, too. I do some "thinking out loud" when scheduling etc., and I haven't thought about how my client might be hearing this and reacting to it.
And one last point...he does care. I think that slipping like that is just a factor of what was in his mind at the moment, and that he was less in "T mode" and more in "I've got to get going" mode. But he does care. That isn't fake or put on only during the therapy session. It's just that our focus changes throughout the day. During the session, our focus is, hopefully, solely on the client. But focus and feelings are a bit different. I think the feelings are there even if they are not in the forefront of someone's mind at the moment.
Sorry for rambling....
Take dare,
gg
Posted by happyflower on December 31, 2005, at 10:05:33
In reply to T's stuff in the therapy room, posted by gardenergirl on December 31, 2005, at 7:36:46
Thanks GG for you input, I always appreciate what you have to say, it usually gives me another perspective.
Normally my sessions end very good and nicely. But this time he was really what he called "rude and abrupt", what I called "snippy" to me at the end. I have never seen this side of him before. He hurt my feelings.
But he explained to me that it wasn't me, that it was him being anxious of a doctors appointment. I know from what he has told me he does have "anxiety" problems, so I guess I saw the real him when he is like that.
He was just "off" the entire session. He didn't his normal humor and he seemed edgy to me, very argumentive plus he was looking at the clock a lot. So I hope whatever had him so uptight, is okay.
I was the one thinking outloud about the stuff I had to do on the day he wan't to schedule me, and thats when he said what he did.
I feel a little better.
I guess this happened because I had my guard down, I should have known better, because whenever I do that I get hurt. Well I won't let happen again. But also I guess after spending 33 hours with me in one year, would get anyone uptight! LOL The poor guy has to deal with me.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 1, 2006, at 7:05:47
In reply to Re: T's stuff in the therapy room » gardenergirl, posted by happyflower on December 31, 2005, at 10:05:33
> Thanks GG for you input, I always appreciate what you have to say, it usually gives me another perspective.
:)
> I have never seen this side of him before. He hurt my feelings.I know. I'm sorry that happened. Hurt feelings s*ck.
>
> I feel a little better.I'm glad.
> But also I guess after spending 33 hours with me in one year, would get anyone uptight! LOL The poor guy has to deal with me.
>LOL. Don't sell yourself short. I had a client say something similar to me once. I was very surprised. I feel that when a person trusts me enough to spend that time with me spilling their guts, and has some belief or hope that I can help, that's a gift. It's really a precious gift that clients give to the T.
gg
Posted by happyflower on January 1, 2006, at 9:46:16
In reply to Re: T's stuff in the therapy room » happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on January 1, 2006, at 7:05:47
Posted by JenStar on January 3, 2006, at 23:12:24
In reply to I have forgiven him but..., posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 11:30:08
happflower,
I worry a bit when I read your posts above about your T.
It sounds to me like you've kind of lost track of what your therapy was supposed to be about, helping you. Instead, you're completely focused on the RELATIONSHIP with your T. It sounds like you're completely wrapped up in HIM as a person, when he's really supposed to be just a mentor/helper/person to guide you to healing.
I'm a bit worried about you. You know I don't judge people for who they love and who they care about...I don't think there's anything "morally" or "spiritually" wrong about loving your T.
But I worry that you are becoming consumed with this PERSON, and as a result, you're losing track of YOURSELF as a person.
I'm sorry if that is abrupt or hurtful, because I don't mean it to be. I hope you continue to improve in the things you want to, and that this all resolves for you.
take care,
JenStar
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